


The Man in 7B

by izzylawliet



Series: The Other Side [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Autistic Character, Cigarettes, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of homophobia, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, mentions of abuse, special needs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:13:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylawliet/pseuds/izzylawliet
Summary: Sanghyuk wouldn't say that he lived by himself because he had to, but because he wanted to. And he didn't mind having neighbors, but he did mind when they got in the way of his daily life. He wasn't going to stand for the noises and the smoking and the rude conversations. He just wanted to drink his coffee and do his puzzles.





	1. Cigarettes and Loud Noises

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first warning of the tags, but I'm going to say it again. Sanghyuk is autistic. 
> 
> This is a monster of a piece that I have been working on for three months and have finally finished. It's about 20k words longer than I intended for it to be, but it's a piece I am very proud of. They'll be a few separate chapters that are being edited as you read this and will be posted up in the next few days. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

“Yes, thank you!”

Sanghyuk smiled greatly at the elderly woman who so graciously accepted the small wrapping of three brownies that he had prepared specifically for his new neighbors. He had made just enough for the few residents on the floor of the building he had been told would be a good residence for him and his canine companion — and from those he was meeting, he found it to be a delightful place to be thus far.

After bowing his head politely and saying his departing words, he stepped across the hall to the neighbor directly on the left side of his own apartment. The door to his was left open with the Bernese mountain dog he loved so much standing in the doorway with a curious gaze upon him. Sanghyuk sent him a smile before he stepped up to the door and knocked on it gently. This was the final resident.

When the moments passed with no answer, Sanghyuk nearly stepped away with a disappointed rock that settled in his gut — he had wanted to meet all of his neighbors. Just as he went to return to his apartment, the door swung open to reveal a man who looked to be near his thirties, shaggy hair somewhat a mess as it framed his face and catlike eyes that seemed to pierce Sanghyuk in a way that he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Can I help you?” The curt tone had Sanghyuk startling a bit, but he mustered up his brightest smile and held out the plate that held the final wrapping of brownies.

“Hi! My name is Han Sanghyuk — I just moved in next door. I wanted to introduce myself and give you these brownies I made!” The excitement was poorly contained and made it so the inflections of his speech were uneven, somewhat abrasive at times, but genuine in his well-meaning greeting.

The man had an air of indifference as he took in the tall height of Sanghyuk, his fairly broad form — there seeming to be a slightly judging look when it came to his hole-filled, faded jeans that were a size too big and equally large shirt, — and ultimately settled on the plate that was being held out for him. Those dark eyes bore only further into Sanghyuk. It made the man shift uncomfortably and the elation he had felt moments before began to fade.

“Uh, here…” He motioned to the plate and nudged it slightly upwards. He had hoped that that would beckon the man to take the treats that had been prepared for him out of the kindness of Sanghyuk’s heart.

“Why… why would you make brownies?” The voice has a lilt of poshness that Sanghyuk was familiar with — he’d grown up with people of class and posh.

The almost brash statement had Sanghyuk wondering of his intent and questioning his intentions.

“To...welcome?”

“To welcome… your neighbors… that you moved in?”

Well, when it was put _that_ way…

Sanghyuk drew the plate back against himself and found that he could not raise his gaze or keep it still any longer. His shoulders hunched just slightly; his tongue too thick in his mouth suddenly.

“I-I...I didn’t m-mean to bother y-y-you…” Any passion that Sanghyuk had felt was nowhere to be found. He was curling in on himself and looking for any excuse to get back to his own apartment where he wouldn’t be faced with the judgement that most people directed at him. “I...I have to go f-feed my dog!” Once again, an uneven timbre filled the atmosphere and Sanghyuk’s large form was already turning to run away quickly.

He had to hide the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes.

“Wait—”

Sanghyuk only barely glanced at the stranger from the corner of his gaze when the door swung open more and his hand reached out as though he were reaching for him. It made him pause because Sanghyuk didn’t have it in him to ignore anyone, to disappoint anyone. He just couldn’t bear to give himself and his emotions away so clearly and easily to someone who didn’t deserve them.

Long, thin fingers slipped around the treat of three brownies and plucked them from the plate. The lack of weight has Sanghyuk almost startling when he hadn’t been paying attention to the plate at that moment. He only carefully raised his gaze when the door still stayed open.

A smile, one that didn’t reach the eyes — like one that he’d often received from his father when he’d been too exasperated from the long days at work to speak with Sanghyuk, or muster up enough patience for him to be kind, but could only just manage not to be _unkind_ — was what Sanghyuk saw. It was more than he had expected from someone so cold.

“Thanks.”

Sanghyuk nodded his head twice and shuffled back to his apartment, his companion stepping from the doorway and ushering him further in with nudges to the back of his knees. The door was shut and Sanghyuk could close that interaction off from the forefront of his mind for a while. He could return to his puzzle and hope that he’d made a good enough impression on his neighbors to warrant kindness when needed.

*

The early morning breeze filtered into his apartment from the open balcony doors, the double set pinned open with little latches that were hidden by extravagant curtains tucked behind the furniture that Sanghyuk placed there for that reason alone. He had on a thick sweater to keep in his body heat while he sipped at the warm coffee he had made himself, not brave enough to venture out to the cafe he knew lay just down the street from the building. His fingers worked to place the appropriate pieces of his puzzle in place and Kato rest comfortably at his feet under the dark green table that had chipped paint along all the legs from obvious bite marks — not Kato’s, though, of course.

Sanghyuk had just taken a deep breath to center himself when a growing anxiety over the puzzle not conforming to his desire to finish had begin to tug at the edges of his calmed mind. And when he did said action, a harsh chemical entered his lungs that immediately rejected the poisonous scent.

It was, without a doubt, the smell of cigarettes that harped on his atmosphere and the sweet smell from the cooling autumn air.

Sanghyuk didn’t even think before he walked out to his balcony to search for the assaulting smell and when he turned to his left, he supposed that he shouldn’t have been surprised when the man who had been so harsh with their first encounter sat so casually at a table that was plain and metal, boring in every aspect; the chair hardly looked comfortable.

“Do you _have_ to smoke?” The words fell from Sanghyuk’s mouth as he glared at the all too casually sitting man. He had his legs crossed and was facing the city from where their building angled them to, and only _just_ glanced at Sanghyuk when his sudden tone pierced the silence of the late morning.

“I wasn’t aware that it was a problem?” Unknown-named man had an attitude that caused Sanghyuk’s teeth to grind in attempt to silence himself from snapping out something he should always think about before saying aloud. “You can just close your doors if it bothers you.”

“That’s not fair!” His outburst caused the other man to turn towards him once more. Sanghyuk’s cheeks flared with embarrassment when he realized that he had done the exact thing that he hadn’t wanted to do in the first place. “I live here and should be allowed to have my doors open as I please!”

“And I live here, too, and I can smoke out on _my_ balcony as much as _I_ please.”

Sanghyuk didn’t know what response he would have preferred to hear, or what would have been easier for him to swallow — but that was not it. His hands curled into fists at his sides and the glare would have been impossible to deny when he turned on his heel to head back into his apartment. He didn’t — and wouldn’t — realize that he slammed both sets of doors to cut off the breeze of polluted air.

Kato stepped up to his side, nudging the fist until it uncurled and slipped into his fur. Sanghyuk dropped his gaze down to his companion whose eyes were seemingly all-knowing when they looked back up at him. That alone often soothed him, and this time was no different.

It had only taken seven minutes for Sanghyuk to find his calm center once more before he found himself sitting back at the table and returning to the half finished puzzle he was planning to finish that day. Kato lay at his feet as he always would.

*

It wasn’t the tainted breeze of the day that had rolled in this time to ruin his mood. It was a repetitive noise accompanied by a sound that caused Sanghyuk’s cheeks to flush more than he had ever felt them flush. He had just settled down for the night in his bed, a book across his lap with Kato warming the other side against his leg, and a mug of tea to help him fall asleep on the bedside table when the noise first penetrated the quiet night.

The rocking noise occurred just behind his head, just behind him, and the sounds that followed vibrated through the walls as though they weren’t thick and weren’t meant to suppress noises in the first place. It caused Sanghyuk’s nerves to shoot up when the noise wasn’t a familiar one, but it was the even _more_ unfamiliar one that caused him to find discomfort in the situation.

It went on for a time that Sanghyuk couldn’t realistically keep track of. He wasn’t thinking as it continued until even Kato woke up to look at the wall as it continued to interrupt their night.

When he rose from his bed, dressed in his plaid, matching pajamas, he hardly thought to slip into his fluffy slippers and trek from his bedroom, through the living room and entryway over to the next door neighbor’s apartment and none too politely knocked — read: pounded — on the door.

While Sanghyuk would often be proud of his ability to keep track of time, he was not clear on how long it took for the stranger to open the door, looking as dishevelled and improper as one could ever be. Sanghyuk didn’t think that he would be greeted with a half naked man with pants too low on his hips, showing off a line of hair that dipped down below, marks littering otherwise smooth, fawn-colored skin, and tousled hair that looked pulled and tugged in all which way direction. He had seen so much before he thought to raise his hand to cover his eyes, including the large man that walked in the background of the apartment, _actually naked_.

“What do you want?” It was _that_ voice that Sanghyuk had heard through the wall. It was breathless and at a pitch that Sanghyuk could not easily mistake, except this time as opposed to the first time they met and spoke, there was a gruffness that could only be attributed to the overuse of it.

“It is quite late and I do n-not appreciate all the _noise_ that you are making.” Sanghyuk’s conviction had flittered further and further away as the sentence evolved. The lack of being able to read the man’s expression and denote what way the conversation was going to go was very frightening for Sanghyuk, but there was _no way_ that he’d be able to bring himself to look at him — not with the way he was _un_ dressed!

“Like I said before, _Sanghyuk_ , I live here and it’s not that late, so I’m well within my right to do as I please. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to get back to my evening. Goodnight.”

The door shutting was the only reason that Sanghyuk dropped his hand from his face. He stared at the dark wood with the innocuous _7B_ across the front of it below the peephole that he was sure the stranger utilized often. It took another nudging from his faithful companion to guide him back into his apartment and back into his bed. And when the noise started again, Kato lay his body halfway on top of his and Sanghyuk used a pillow to block out what he could.

*

“What is your name, sir?” Sanghyuk asked as he watched the neighbor step out onto his balcony with a mug in his hand as well, sans cigarette and that alone was relief to Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk took a sip of his coffee and bundled himself further in the large hooded sweater he wore; Kato was at his side comfortably.

“Why do you want to know?” The stranger asked as he reclined back in his chair and kept his gaze out across the city line. It made Sanghyuk frown knowing that the man had no interest in being polite or courteous.

“I know all of our neighbors’ name but yours. And you know my name.” Sanghyuk rationalized as he took another sip of his hot coffee. “Why won’t you just tell me?”

The man was met with silence as the stranger in the next balcony seemed to not hear him or not want to answer, Sanghyuk wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if he had said anything to offend him or if he had been overstepping some unspoken boundaries that he’d not been warned of. None of the other tenants on their floor seemed to know the man, nor did they know enough to warn Sanghyuk away from him — and Sanghyuk liked to have friends.

When it seemed that Sanghyuk would not be given an answer, Sanghyuk sighed and looked down to the crossword puzzle he had laid out before him. He had wanted to take advantage of the cool morning with the light breeze, but with the budding curiosity of who the man was, Sanghyuk didn’t—

“Jung Taekwoon.”

Sanghyuk startled at the voice, and yet he was unable to hide the grin that plastered over his face when it connected in his brain that _that_ was the man’s name.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jung Taekwoon, sir.” It was all that Sanghyuk responded with as he returned to the puzzle on the table. His attention was thoroughly taken by the mind-boggling challenge he had before him.

Sanghyuk’s morning had been spent finishing the puzzle, multiple trips taken back inside to refill the cup of coffee he nursed and he was unaware if the neighbor had stayed out for long or at all after their brief conversation. All he was aware of was the distinct lack of cigarette smoke that didn’t waft his way.

Later that evening, after Sanghyuk finished cleaning up dinner and was heading into his room with Kato to relax with his book before bed, there was a marked banging against his bedroom wall that he would be unable to ignore. It was sharper and louder than the previous time had been when he’d been disturbed. It didn’t initially occur to Sanghyuk just _what_ the noise signified until the noises started to filter in as well — Sanghyuk had hoped it would not be the same cause as it had been before.

A part of him wondered if it would stop, if the noises would cease and he could resume his night. Though, another part of him knew that it would be unlikely to be the case until he made his annoyance at the disturbance clear.

And so, once again, he made his way over in his matching flannel pajamas with Kato trekking and following him to wait at the door, Sanghyuk pounded on the door of _7B_ zealously.

This time, when the door opened, it was not the soft featured man he’d only just learned the name of. This man was larger, nearly standing taller than Sanghyuk, half dressed with just boxers covering his lower waist and yet there were no marks on his skin like there had been on Taekwoon’s the last time Sanghyuk had been in this position.

“What do you want?” The gruff tone was carried with a snarl of an upper lip and a narrowing of his gaze. It startled Sanghyuk, but he made sure to stand his ground.

“You are being unbearably loud and I’m going to have to ask you to quiet it down or else I’ll have no choice but to inform the landlord of your actions and possibly get the police involved.” His chin was tilted up as he spoke. Though, he spoke with confidence, his fingers were shaking before they were curled into a fist and his palms slick with sweat.

“Seriously? You’re _that_ uptight? I thought Taekwoon was fucking around when he mentioned he had a nosy neighbor like you. Well, hate to say it, kid, but I have no intention of being quiet and I sure as hell don’t think that Taekwoon would appreciate if I fucked him any less. So you’re going to have to find someone else to bug, or find someone who is into retards and stay out of our business.”

Sanghyuk was once again faced with the door in his face. It was a soft slam, but a slam nonetheless.

He didn’t even realize that his eyes were tearing up until the _7B_ became a blur of figures and Kato was at his side to nudge his hand, tugging at his shirt to draw him back into the apartment where they could go to sleep.

While the banging of the bed frame didn’t stop that night, the loud noises that had accompanied it did.

*

Sanghyuk stepped off the lift with Kato at his side. The two of them walked towards the apartment door and only stopped at _7B_ by necessity. There was a light shaking in his hands as he held the small piece of paper in hand with a firm grip. A part of him wanted to turn around and walk back to his apartment, but the other part of him was too stubborn to do just that.

This was only the fourth time that Sanghyuk stood before this door. This time, however, knocking on it was meek and tame. If he didn’t have Kato at his side, there wasn’t much of a chance that Sanghyuk would still be standing there nearly a minute later when the door finally opened.

“Can I help you?” Taekwoon asked with an unassuming expression, his brow raised and his pink lips pursed into a pout. His hair was a mess atop his head and led Sanghyuk to believe that he disturbed the man from his sleep — that Sanghyuk judgmentally figured was because he _clearly_ didn’t get much sleep the previous night.

Sanghyuk held up the piece of paper towards the man, waiting patiently for him to take it from him.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s a receipt for the headphones I had to buy.” Sanghyuk stated as confidently and as smoothly as he could. It was clear that he was struggling with the words to find, the stutter that was normally present now absent because he had practiced that the entire way home. “It is only fair that you pay for them because it is _your_ fault that I had to buy them in the first place.”

“Excuse me?” The insult and offense was clear in his tone, even Sanghyuk had picked up on that.

He swallowed and glanced down at Kato who was so calmly sitting at his side. “I said—”

“I know what you said. But are you kidding me? You’re _expecting_ — you know what...never mind. Give me your number and I’ll send you the money. Fucking hell…”

There was a feeling of elation and victory inside of Sanghyuk as he took the outstretched phone to input his number. He had hoped that this was the way that the conversation would go, but had feared that the other man would laugh and shut the door on his face. Maybe he wasn’t as rude as Sanghyuk had thought…


	2. Puzzles and Broken Pictures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains more of the heavy warnings in the tags; please keep that in mind.

“Have you always known you were gay?” Sanghyuk questioned one morning when he stepped out onto the balcony to find Taekwoon there with his cup of coffee — thankfully _not_ smoking. Sanghyuk liked to be able to breathe as clean air as the city would allow. He noticed how Taekwoon’s spine seemed to become rigid and his eyes hardened when they were directed over to him. It didn’t become clear to him why the man would have such a reaction.

“Is that a problem?”

Sanghyuk paused before he leaned back into his chair, nursing his own large mug as he did every morning. He looking to the man who was guarded and it made that pit that always resided in his stomach start to churn. He didn’t like to associate with people who didn’t express their emotions. People were confusing and he hated not being able to read them, but something about his neighbor made him want to keep trying.

“Why would it be a problem?”

“Is it?” The words were ground out and they made Sanghyuk visibly flinch. “Don’t fucking talk to me again.”

“I’m gay, too!” Sanghyuk sputtered out when he couldn’t stand the look that was being directed at him anymore. It was enough to get his heart racing and to alert Kato to his distress, the large dog coming over to rest his head on his lap, urging to be pet as a way to calm him. Sanghyuk rest his hand on the canine’s head without even thinking about it, gripping his fur now and again when his breath caught in his throat.

Taekwoon observed him in the process, his hardened eyes dropping to the interaction with his dog and then back up to him where the gaze was slowly softening — not in a way that Sanghyuk felt comfortable with still, but in a way that he at least felt less threatened.

He figured that the conversation was over and Taekwoon would either light up a cigarette or go back inside. Instead, he did neither.

“So then why do all the noises bother you? Shouldn’t you like them?”

Sanghyuk’s cheeks darkened immediately and he couldn’t meet Taekwoon’s eyes to save his life. His lips parted multiple times in search of something to say in response, but found that nothing came out. He hadn’t expected _that_.

“Well?”

“I bought headphones!” He quickly supplied. And when he glanced up to Taekwoon, he saw a smirk and an actual light to his eyes that he hadn’t seen in all the other times he conversed with him.

“You mean _I_ bought them.”

The indignation that Sanghyuk felt could have been palpable as he rose with his coffee and headed back into his apartment, shutting the door with more force than necessary due to his embarrassment. He had to force himself not to react to the laugh that trailed after him just before the door shut completely. At least the balcony doors kept the outside noises to a minimum, if only the walls between their apartments could have done the same.

*

As much as Sanghyuk had hated it, he had taken to wearing the headphones nightly on top of during the day when they were needed. At first, he had thought he was safe when he’d go to sleep without them, but that often proved not to be the case when he woke to those _noises_ from Taekwoon. They were obscene and always made him feel flustered.

Though the sounds were absent that night, Sanghyuk had woken up suddenly without knowing what had caused him to. It took a long moment to notice that Kato — who lay on his side of the bed — was sitting up and looking to the wall that was shared with Taekwoon’s apartment. Reaching over to turn on his light, Sanghyuk sat up to see a picture frame had been knocked from its perch on the wall. He had thought that switching his bed to the other wall would keep him from waking up.

What had come over Sanghyuk, he knew not, but he removed his headphones and heard the noises that were not like any of the ones before. These were sharper, more intense, held a desperation to them that seemed to obviously upset Kato as the dog let out quiet whines as he only ever did when trying to gather Sanghyuk’s attention during a particularly emotional episode. It was what _really_ propelled Sanghyuk to abandon his bed and make his way without even ensuring that Kato was behind him. He only had one thought on his mind.

Sanghyuk pounded on the door with more force than he had previously. He didn’t think he had ever knocked on a door so aggressively before.

The time that passed seemed to be an eternity before some unknown man was opening the door — one that was different than the one who had before. He was tall, not quite as tall as Sanghyuk, and had just enough muscles that Sanghyuk thought he could be hurt if the man turned on him.

“I need to speak to Taekwoon. Now.” Sanghyuk pushed out with a breath that had bubbled in his chest and clarity that gave away his desperation. He hadn’t thought to grab his phone on the way out of his apartment, but he knew that he wouldn’t leave without making sure his neighbor was okay.

“He’s asleep. Come back in the morning.” There was a gruffness to the man’s voice that Sanghyuk didn’t like and when the man tried to shut the door, Sanghyuk was quick to step forward to block the door. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty as he stepped too close to the man but didn’t stop there. He practically slid past him into the apartment.

“Taekwoon?” He called out with the fear that the man wouldn’t be able to respond. Thankfully, he heard the rustling from the room that logically would be the bedroom. Without realizing it, he stepped out of the man’s reach that had been about to wrap around his arm when he’d made a quick dash towards the sound.

Sanghyuk hadn’t even wanted to consider what he would walk in on, and he was hardly prepared for it when he opened the door.

Taekwoon lay crumpled up on the floor near the wall, his lip red and his eye swollen shut already. He was naked as he curled in on himself, struggling to stand and ended up back on the floor when he couldn’t find his feet.

Sanghyuk grabbed the blanket off the bed and used it to wrap around Taekwoon when he was close enough. As he kneeled on the ground, he turned to face the man who had unfortunately followed them into the room. The man had dressed before coming out to meet Sanghyuk and at least that just meant he could leave sooner.

“You’re going to leave now. O-Or I’m going to call the police and you’ll b-be in a lot of trouble.” Sanghyuk threatened, noticing how Taekwoon’s gaze was devoid of emotions as he let Sanghyuk hold onto him tightly. He kept his chin up, but was sure that his heart could be heard from across the room.

“It wasn’t anything that he didn’t want.” The unknown man spat out when he grabbed his things. It was clear that he was tempted to stay, but Sanghyuk didn’t budge a muscle as he held Taekwoon against him. He only glanced away to make sure that Taekwoon was completely covered by the blanket.

“Get out.” Sanghyuk ground out between his teeth. The moments that followed took an eternity to pass and Sanghyuk was afraid that the man wouldn’t actually leave. He did. And only when the door was slammed shut did Sanghyuk turn to Taekwoon to start to gather him from the floor. It was all too easy to lift him up — the man was too thin — and get him onto the bed that was a mess and unmade.

“I’ll get you—”

“Go…” The soft voice whispered out, the first sound that Sanghyuk heard since stepping into the apartment. The shock of it caused him to pause and wonder why it was uttered. “I’m fine. Just… go…”

“But…” Sanghyuk spoke but found a hand pushing at his clothed chest.

“No. Please…” The soft plea was what did it.

“I’ll lock up on my way out.” Sanghyuk assured and slipped from the bed once he was sure that Taekwoon really did want him to go. He didn’t particularly want to leave, but Taekwoon didn’t seem like the type that would be okay if he stuck around without his explicit permission. So he left the room, shutting that door as well before making his way through the nicely decorated apartment, so much more pristine than his own, only the barest of items to show it was lived in. Out of the corner of his eye, Sanghyuk spotted an orange tabby feline staring at him intently.

“Don’t worry. I made sure your daddy was okay.” Sanghyuk spoke quietly, glancing back towards the bedroom before he left the apartment, double checking that the door was locked.

*

**Rude Sir:** don’t ever come into my apartment again  
**Me:** that man was hurting you!  
**Rude Sir:** it’s fine. just don’t do that again  
**Me:** That’s not fine! You don’t have to put up with that, Taekwoon.  
**Me:** I can help  
**Rude Sir:** how can you help?   
**Me:** I know of places that you can reach out to.   
**Me:** There’s a clinic in the city that’s really good about things like this  
**Me** : I can give you a card of a good person to talk to  
**Rude Sir:** i don’t need any of that stuff  
**Me:** It’s okay to need that stuff  
**Rude Sir:** okay. but i don’t  
**Me:** I saw what he did to you  
**Rude Sir:** he didn’t do anything  
**Me:** He did bad things.   
**Rude Sir:** you don’t know what you’re talking about  
**Me:** Yes, I do. And I can help you get help  
**Rude Sir:** i don’t need help. you don’t even know me  
**Me:** I don’t have to, to care.   
**Rude Sir:** you shouldn’t  
**Rude Sir:** why do you even care  
**Me:** Because I know what it’s like. And I want to help you.  
**Rude Sir:** it’s fine. it happened once.   
**Me:** It doesn’t just happen once. That’s just what you’ll tell yourself.   
**Rude Sir:** i’ll be fine  
**Me:** But what about if it happens again?  
**Me:** What if I’m not here to help?

*

The next time that Sanghyuk saw Taekwoon was once again on the balcony. It was cold and Sanghyuk had debated on not stepping outside at all. The city was loud that morning, or maybe it just seemed loud because of the night before and how Sanghyuk hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, even with Kato’s rhythmic breathing helping him to calm back down. It seemed loud, but Sanghyuk stepped out onto the balcony in his thick robe anyways, his feet covered with fuzzy socks, and a hot mug in his hand.

Taekwoon didn’t look at him as he sat with his bruised jaw and swollen eye. Sanghyuk couldn’t look away.

“Good morn—”

“Don’t.” Taekwoon snapped, though it was far less harsh than any other time he’d spoken and Sanghyuk didn’t take it personally this time. He could tell that the man was upset about what happened and yet a part of him wondered if it wasn’t actually because Sanghyuk had helped and offered more.

He fell silent either way, instead figuring that the man needed time. Sanghyuk could only hope that Taekwoon wouldn’t let that man back into his bed any time soon. The man was bad and Sanghyuk didn’t want to have to call the police.

The silence was almost unbearable, but it ended when Taekwoon rose from his spot to head inside. The door shut quietly and it brought Sanghyuk’s attention over to the neighboring balcony. On the table he saw a pack of cigarettes and no butt in the ashtray.

The man didn’t smoke that morning.

*

Sanghyuk had been returning back from a shopping trip, a cloth bag in his hand with a new puzzle that was recently put on the shelves. Kato was at his side, as diligent as ever. When stepping off the lift, there was no immediate reason for concern, but something didn’t sit right with Sanghyuk. A pit fell into his stomach and bristled his spine. It wasn’t until he got closer to his door that he looked up to see the man from the other fateful night standing and trying to get into Taekwoon’s apartment that he realized why he felt this way.

“I told you to leave.” Sanghyuk said, unsure where the burst of confidence came from; there was no shakiness to his words.

“Fuck off, kid. I’m just trying to get Taekwoon to talk to me.”

“He doesn’t _want_ to talk to you. I’m his friend so I would know.” He declared evenly. Kato was sitting at his side, but something about him became off as well. Kato didn’t like the man anymore than Sanghyuk did.

“What would a retard like you know?”

The word stabbed at Sanghyuk’s gut and he wanted to turn away and run into his apartment, but he stood his ground. “I know a lot of things. I know that you can get in big trouble for what you did to Taekwoon-hyung. You need to go and never come back. I’ll call the police and tell them _everything_ I heard.”

The man took a step forward, threatening step forward. It was quick and with intent that Sanghyuk felt immediately. He blinked and could hardly take a step back before Kato was standing up and baring his teeth with a ferocious growl that Sanghyuk had never heard before. The large Bernese mountain dog made itself clear in its purpose, enough so that the unnamed man reeled back quickly.

“Kato and I think you need to leave. Now.”

There were no more questions left to be asked. Kato’s growling did not lessen in the slightest, they did not die off until the man was far from them, near enough to the lift. And even then, Kato watched the man carefully, seemingly quite upset that anyone would approach his person like that. While Sanghyuk knew Kato to be loyal, he hadn’t thought that he would have such a protecting friend at his side. It brought a smile to his face and he knew he’d be giving Kato a lot of treats once they got inside.

He turned to his door and started inputting the code for it when the door to _7B_ opened and a head peeked out carefully.

“Is he gone?” Taekwoon asked and it almost startled Sanghyuk and Kato, but Sanghyuk smiled anyways.

“He’s gone.” Sanghyuk let Kato walk inside.

“Thank you…” He said quietly and Sanghyuk paused further to look at the man. It’d only been a few days since the incident and Taekwoon’s eye was still swollen shut. Sanghyuk had noticed the silence from the other’s apartment since then and he knew what it was like. He knew the shame of it and how easy it was to hide until all the marks went away, until all the evidence disappeared to once again pretend to be normal.

“Do you want to come do a puzzle with me? It’s a thousand piece one and I just bought it.” Sanghyuk held up the bag that the puzzle was encased in.

Taekwoon opened his mouth and Sanghyuk was sure that the man would refuse. He was sure that Taekwoon was about to tell him to go or to just shut the door on him. What was said was more of a surprise than he had imagined.

“I’d like that.”

*

“Would you like some more tea, sir?” Sanghyuk asked as he rose to fill his own mug. The puzzle on the table was just a quarter of the way done. They had finished the edges, as per proper puzzle etiquette, and were each working on a separate corner of the piece. Sanghyuk was very pleased with how it was turning out. He waited for a small nod from the other man before he grabbed the mug to walk around the island and into his kitchen.

The silence in his apartment was exactly what Sanghyuk enjoyed. Occasionally, there would be a shifting from Kato on the floor as the dog relaxed and spread out in his usual spot beside the table. Otherwise, it was pleasantly quiet while they worked on the puzzle that Sanghyuk had been excited to do the moment he had seen it on the shelf. In the kitchen, he put a kettle on the stove and flicked the gas on, watching the flame lick at the bottom of the teapot.

“You said you know what it’s like.” When Sanghyuk looked up to the voice, Taekwoon’s gaze was directed down at the puzzle but he wasn’t working on it. Instead, his long fingers were just gently playing with a piece and spinning it around idly.

At first, Sanghyuk was confused and his head tipped to the side curiously as he was about to ask what it was that Taekwoon meant, until it became clear to him. His lips part in an ‘o’ without thought. He paused in his gathering of the tea bags and looked over to the sleeping companion who wasn’t bothered by the conversation. It took him a few moments to get his thoughts together, to find words, and by the time the he did, he was returning to the table with the two mugs and resuming his section of the piece. It seemed that Taekwoon simply thought he wouldn’t get an answer as he didn’t press, nor did he stare for any longer than necessary.

“My boyfriend and I were together for fifteen months,” Sanghyuk finally started. “He was nice. He was big, kind of like how I am now...but I was small then and I didn’t have Kato. I thought he loved me.” The words sort of came tumbling out and neither man ceased their progress with the puzzle. Sanghyuk thought that he might fall back into those insecure thoughts if he didn’t focus on mentally trying to piece together each piece he held in his hand with what he had already laid out on the table. “He didn’t always hit me. It was...at first it was just grabbing me to keep me near him, or to get me out of his way. I don’t know, I didn’t think it mattered when he did that kind of thing.”

Sanghyuk didn’t notice that Taekwoon stopped with the puzzle and was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“He didn’t like that we didn’t...y’know, have sex a lot...” Surprisingly, Sanghyuk’s cheeks didn’t flush in the slightest. “He would… get rough, I guess, you could say. It was easier if I gave in and let him do what he wanted…” There wasn’t any more to say, nothing more to explain.

Taekwoon didn’t ask anymore questions. He resumed his side of the puzzle as Sanghyuk returned to his. His demeanor was more relaxed, or it seemed that way to Sanghyuk when he glanced up at him to see him sip his tea. The quiet fell over them again and neither man seemed to mind it.

*

The noises eventually returned, though only weeks after the _incident_ as Sanghyuk took to calling it in his head. They weren’t as loud or as obnoxious, but Sanghyuk stopped using his headphones. He wanted to keep an ear out just in case… just in case.

Sanghyuk didn’t say anything to Taekwoon when he’d step outside onto the balcony in the morning, and had no need to when each time Taekwoon would put out his cigarettes and resume drinking his coffee. They would have nothing to say to one another and would sit in silence with one another.

One morning, a man stepped out halfway through Sanghyuk’s coffee and his head turned of its own accord to watch as he stepped close to Taekwoon and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before sitting next to him. The words he spoke were too quiet for Sanghyuk to pick up across the distance, but he watched with curious eyes as a hand slid up to caress the side of Taekwoon’s neck, cupping his jaw to bring him into a kiss that Taekwoon didn’t respond to and pulled from prematurely. The man had a hurt expression on his face and something inside of Sanghyuk delighted at that, but he said nothing while he continued to drink his coffee.

Soon enough, the man stepped back inside the apartment and left Taekwoon out there alone. Taekwoon reached for a cigarette but paused when he glanced up to see Sanghyuk looking at him. Their eyes didn’t leave one another’s for a lengthened moment.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Sanghyuk nodded his head. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t want one.” Taekwoon finished his coffee and set the mug to rest in his lap.

Their eyes had never parted and only broke when Taekwoon rose from his seat to head back inside. He left sooner than he normally would, but it wasn’t something that Sanghyuk questioned. It wasn’t his business. His gaze fell to Kato who was looking at him with that keen eye he always did. It was all-knowing, Sanghyuk felt.

“He doesn’t want one, Kato.” Sanghyuk repeated to the canine as he resumed drinking his own hot beverage.


	3. Kisses and Hard Truths

“I told you I would get you the money by the end of the month! … I am doing what I can, sir … I understand— … please, sir, you have to give me a bit more— … no, yeah, I understand … I’ll be out in a week … goodbye.”  Taekwoon sighed heavily, a sudden thud signalling he had put his phone down on the table a little harder than necessary. 

Sanghyuk opened the balcony door the rest of the way and stepped outside into the cooler weather while simultaneously drawing his coat tighter around himself. He said nothing as he watched Taekwoon light up a cigarette, the man refusing to even glance at him. While half of the conversation remained unknown, it was clear that it wasn’t a pleasant conversation and Sanghyuk had learned the hard way years ago not to pry into someone’s business like that. 

Taekwoon didn’t smoke for long, nor did he light up another cigarette like he would have normally. Sanghyuk knew that Taekwoon didn’t smoke as much because of him, no matter what Taekwoon said about being able to make his own choices, or do whatever he wanted, or that Sanghyuk should mind his own business. Sanghyuk knew that he wasn’t smoking right then because of him, too. He doesn’t try to engage him in conversation, but it wasn’t that he normally did anyways. They didn’t talk a lot. Sanghyuk liked his silence and Taekwoon liked his privacy. 

Sanghyuk couldn’t get the conversation he had overheard out of his head. He thought about what it could mean, logically what it was that Taekwoon had been speaking to the person on the phone about. The only thing that  _ made sense _ was rent money. Taekwoon must be renting the condo rather than owning it like Sanghyuk did? That was a silly arrangement, he thought to himself. Why would someone do that? 

He waited until the other man left the balcony to go back inside before he picked up his phone. Sanghyuk doesn’t know what came over him as he dialed the number to the front office, intending to do something that he didn’t even know would work, but he felt compelled to try for some reason. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to lose his only friend, even if Taekwoon didn’t see him as a friend… 

“Yes, this is Han Sanghyuk in 7A and I would like to speak with the manager please … yes, I’ll hold … thank you.” 

*

When Sanghyuk opened the front door, he wasn’t necessarily surprised to see that Taekwoon was there, but what he was surprised by was the grin on his face — that was not a common expression Taekwoon had. He was giddy with excitement to the point that it almost made Sanghyuk uncomfortable, and yet he invited the man in either way. He watched as there was a bounce in Taekwoon’s step when the man lightly greeted Kato with a pet to his head. 

“Did something happen, hyung?” Sanghyuk asked when the door swung shut. He made his way into the kitchen to put on a pot of tea as that was their usual drink when Taekwoon came over for puzzles (which was a more common occurrence these days.) 

“Yes! So...you know how I mentioned that I had lost my job?” It had been a very brief conversation, one that had happened over working on a puzzle, yet had been enough to explain to Sanghyuk why the man had men over so many times a week, so many different faces filtering in and out of his apartment. It had been explained to Sanghyuk that Taekwoon had lost his job due to being gay, despite being celibate for many years while working there. The men were his way to lash out at such a homophobic decision. 

“Yes.” Sanghyuk answered easily, not sure where the conversation was going. He watched Taekwoon take a seat at the table where the current puzzle was set up, but then he rose to walk over to the barstool for a seat, and yet he was standing to begin to pace. Sanghyuk had never seen Taekwoon so animated before. 

“Well...I haven’t been able to find another job and I’ve been living here on borrowed time and my savings are nearly dried up, but—!” Sanghyuk blinked, his heart jumping to his throat when Taekwoon had clapped his hands together loudly a single time. “The manager just told me…” The man suddenly calmed down and it gave Sanghyuk time to gather himself, watching his friend with interest as Taekwoon once again took a seat at the table. This time he seemed drained when he sat, his body language mirroring someone who was exhausted. 

“What is it, hyung?” Sanghyuk asked as casually as he could manage. He knew what the manager had told him. 

“Someone paid my rent...for the next year. A part of me thinks it’s my mother giving back to me finally, but...I don’t know. Whoever it is, I wish I could thank them..” There was a wistfulness to Taekwoon’s tone that had Sanghyuk smiling to himself. It was soft and shy and he didn’t notice that Taekwoon was looking at him, smiling a secret smile of his own. 

“Isn’t that great, Sanghyuk?” 

Said man startled to and felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Yes, hyung. That was very nice of this person. How would you like your tea today?” He brought over the two mugs and returned to the kitchen only to grab the container of sugar that he knew Taekwoon to get much use out of. He didn't even wait for an answer before he started to pour multiple spoonfuls into the drink.

“A lot of sugar, please.” 

*

The plastic holding of the tape shattered into many pieces just as Taekwoon opened the door, angry huffs and groans filling the apartment that smelled delightfully of peppermint and  _ Christmas _ . Sanghyuk was seating in his living room on the rug, trying to piece together the wrapping paper to fit around the box that contained a gift for his neighbor who had just walked in to see this mild breakdown. 

“Sanghyuk-ah?” Taekwoon called lightly, and Sanghyuk knew that he needed to calm down as the man had never seen him worked up like that, but the thought was fleeting as he was much more taken by the fact that he couldn’t get the paper to cooperate! 

“Go away!” Sanghyuk yelled back although the man had already entered the apartment further and stepped near him in the living room, though, gratefully, kept a distance from Sanghyuk and his mess, as well as Kato who was nudging at his side and arm. “Kato, stop it!” He then turned his anger on the large canine who stood patiently at his side. Sanghyuk’s hands lifted to tug at his hair, feeling frustration build within him to an unbearable degree.

“Hyuk-ah!” He didn’t realize how Taekwoon was then kneeling at his side until the man’s soft hands encased his own to disentangle them from his hair and then he was trying to pull away from him. “Hyuk, stop! It’s okay...stop, it’s just me.” The younger male doesn’t immediately stop when prompted and it took a few more proddings from the other to get him to relax, and when he does, his eyes are wide and tear filled, the lightest of bags underneath them as he stared at his neighbor. 

“The paper wasn’t working…” The words were nearly whispered and Sanghyuk felt pathetic for freaking out over such a minor thing when he had come so far and done so well handling things. When Taekwoon gently released his hands once he was assured he had calmed down, Kato placed his head in Sanghyuk’s lap to prompt him to sink his shaking fingers there instead. 

“Do you need help wrapping?” Taekwoon offered, not at all seeming put off or bothered by what he just witnessed. Sanghyuk was sure he would lose his friend.

“Yes, please...there’s more tape on the counter…” Sanghyuk breathed out, his eyes somewhat distant as he allowed himself to get lost in the distraction of petting Kato and relaxing from his nudges and whines and gentle coaxing. Sanghyuk didn’t pay attention when Taekwoon rose from the floor to retrieve the tape as directed, coming back within a moment to find that he still hadn’t moved. 

“Hyuk-ah...why don’t you go nap? You look… so tired.” Taekwoon’s voice was soft, soothing, a welcomed sound when he was as worked up and frantic as he was. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“I was up all night, cause of…” He didn’t glance at Taekwoon, but was sure that the man realized what it was that kept him up. There was a flush to Taekwoon’s cheek that Sanghyuk would have noticed if he  _ had _ looked up. “But maybe...maybe you’re right. A nap sounds nice…” 

Not only was there a flush, but there seemed to be a look of regret in Taekwoon’s gaze when Sanghyuk finally did look up at him, smiling sadly as he was ever so tired and overwhelmed from this gift wrapping. Taekwoon’s long fingers helped finish up the gift, though. It was a single large one he had been trying to wrap for near twenty minutes now.

“Who is this gift for anyways? Your mom?” Taekwoon asked as Sanghyuk had made no effort to rise and go take that nap he was in need of. 

“My mom’s dead.” Sanghyuk said easily, petting Kato still even though his heart had slowed down and he wasn’t in that worked up state any longer. He heard the shifting of paper come to a stop and he was once more looking at Taekwoon curiously. 

“Oh...I’m sorry. I hadn’t...is…?” 

“My dad, too.” He supplied as he knew it was hard for people to ask him for some reason once they heard about one parent. He didn’t understand that, but he could see the wince on Taekwoon’s face. “And I have no siblings. I was a handful enough, my dad always said. And my mom said she always wanted to keep me as her favorite.” 

Silence again. That one felt more tense than the ones they normally fell into. Sanghyuk saw Taekwoon open his mouth a few times as though he was wanting to ask something more, but Sanghyuk had a sneaking suspicion…

“This gift is for you! But you can’t open it until Christmas.” He reached over the moment he saw Taekwoon had finished wrapping it after all and he took out the pretty little tag he had prepared beforehand to settle it on the corner with a pretty bow. His handwriting mirrored chicken scratch and Taekwoon’s name was barely legible.  “And I won’t tell you, so don’t bother asking!” 

Taekwoon scoffed and shook his head when he leaned against the couch. “You made me wrap my own present…” 

“I made you do nothing. You did it for me. Or...for yourself, really.” The grin on Sanghyuk’s face was broad, contagious really, and Taekwoon adopted one himself. The anxiety was far from Sanghyuk's mind as he pushed himself to his hands and knees to crawl the half step over. It is such a simple act, one done without thought, when he pressed his lips to Taekwoon's cheek gently. “Thank you, hyung-sir.” 

Sanghyuk blinked when his cheek was cupped and successfully kept him from pulling back after his show of affection. It was a curious thing to do and he met Taekwoon's guarded gaze to tell him just that. Or he would have had he not had a mouth pressed to his. It was efficient in silencing any questions he may have had. It also was enough to somehow take his breath away, leaving him frozen to the spot while Taekwoon gently moved his lips to overlap Sanghyuk's. And it wasn't a short kiss either. 

When Sanghyuk pulled back, his messy, dark fringe falling into his hair, Taekwoon still had that guarded look to his eye, but also a gentle smile on the just-kissed mouth. They said nothing. They fell into that comfortable silence they normally did until Sanghyuk stated he needed that nap and Taekwoon left him to it. 

*

The kissing happened again. The next morning when Taekwoon joined Sanghyuk over in his balcony for their coffee. It had happened suddenly in between breaths of crisp air and sips of hot beverages. Sanghyuk was taken off guard but he had been kissed before. He sunk into the kiss easily, melting against Taekwoon and letting his hand claw lightly, just gentle kneading motions, against the man's thigh when their lips stayed together longer than the day before. He didn't have a need to freak out when Taekwoon pressed his tongue so lightly against his lips or when that muscle invaded his mouth and had him sighing out a noise of contentment. 

There was a taste of coffee and an underlying bitterness of cigarettes. It didn't offput Sanghyuk, nor did he recoil, but he did make a mental note to tell Taekwoon that they couldn't keep kissing if he smoked. And he hoped he would, both for the sake of his health, and because...Sanghyuk liked kissing him and would like to do it much more often. 

The languidity of the kiss sent Sanghyuk’s heart reeling. His fingers eventually moved up to curl in the man’s shirt that wasn’t adequately covered to protect him from the cold morning. And when he did, he felt Taekwoon’s hand at his cheek, holding lightly to his jaw and only leaving Sanghyuk further breathless at that point. His last boyfriend had done no such thing when kissing — and for a while, Sanghyuk had thought all kissing involved teeth and tongues and ended with bruised lips. 

When they part, Sanghyuk didn’t even realize that he leaned forward to brush his nose against Taekwoon’s cheek, a light nuzzle accompanying a hot breath against his chilled flesh. 

“Hyuk-ah?” Taekwoon’s light voice was so close to his ear that Sanghyuk felt suddenly overwhelmed.

A nasty sensation crawled up his spine and caused him to shudder, his head tipping to the side as though he could escape that and the way the voice crawled through his eardrums — which was unusual as Taekwoon’s voice was always so nice despite the man being a smoker. His hand untangled from Taekwoon’s shirt and he tried to pull away but found their knees interlocked as they had grown so close during the kiss and he hadn’t even realized. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“No…” Sanghyuk responded and grimaced when he stood and the metal of the chair scratched uncomfortably against the concrete balcony. He looked down at his neighbor turned friend and shook his head. “You should go.”

The statement seemed to bring the man confusion as his head tipped to the side and his dark brows furrowed. “I thought you wanted to complete the puzzle today…”

“I can do it on my own.” Was the quick response that once again startled the man who understood that he was no longer welcome there. A part of Sanghyuk was pained by that and he hated that he had brought such a twisted expression to the pretty face, but his heart couldn’t take the racing pace any longer, and the shakiness of his fingers signified that he needed to unwind to prevent an episode. “I will talk to you later, Taekwoon-hyung-sir.”

And with that, despite it being his own balcony, Sanghyuk walked back into the apartment to take his leave. He made a beeline for the bathroom to hold himself in there until he heard the front door shut. And only when it did was he able to leave and find Kato for comfort.

*

Sanghyuk wouldn’t say that he was  _ ignoring _ Taekwoon, but he did tend to have the habit of needing to complete a chore each time Taekwoon stepped out onto his neighboring balcony, or needing to nap each time there was a knock on the door, and being too busy with Kato to be able to stand in the hall to talk when they crossed paths. 

It went on that way for two weeks, and each day Sanghyuk felt more guilty for it, especially when things had been so nice for them. So nice that… one day Sanghyuk decided that he wouldn’t do that anymore, wouldn’t go out of his way to ignore his best friend, his only friend. 

With a plate of homemade brownies, Sanghyuk stepped out of his apartment to make the few steps over to the next when the door opened instead to reveal someone stepping out of that apartment. It was a man who seemed vaguely familiar and yet, in his shock, Sanghyuk couldn’t place him.

He was a man of great height, maybe even as tall as Sanghyuk. He had turned to say goodbye to Taekwoon, looping an arm around his waist to bring him against his chest to  _ cradle  _ and kiss him. Sanghyuk startled as Taekwoon placed his hands on the man’s chest — not to push him away, as Sanghyuk would have thought — and gripped the sides of his jacket to instead pull him closer. They kissed with a laugh echoed between them. 

When they finally separated with a few too long kisses being shared, Taekwoon’s attention fell to Sanghyuk finally and that happiness, that smile that was just there, fell quickly. It left a pit in Sanghyuk’s stomach knowing that he was the cause of unease in the man he came to call friend. He didn’t hear what else was said between the two, but Taekwoon didn’t head back inside after the man made his way to the lift. 

“Sanghyuk-ah.” Taekwoon greeted with a nod of his head like they were only acquaintances. That pit in his stomach only grew.

He said nothing. 

“Sanghyuk? Are...those for me?” 

Sanghyuk looked down to where Taekwoon was pointing, finally realizing that he was still holding the plate of brownies. When he made a move to outstretch them to hand over, he decided against it and scowled. 

“No. They are not.” He stated firmly and turned on his heel to walk back into his apartment, not sparing Taekwoon another glance, even when the man spoke his name once more and sighed with exasperation after him. 

When the door shut behind Sanghyuk, he breathed out shakily and found himself leaning against it. He still had the plate of brownies in his hands, gripped tight between white knuckles. Looking down at it, the steam against the cellophane as they had only just been taken out of the oven, he tried to keep from letting that pit consume him. 

“These are for my friend…” He whispered into the empty silence of his apartment, no longer soothed by it’s warmth.

*

“Sanghyuk, wait!” 

Sanghyuk glanced over at the other balcony when his name was called. Taekwoon had only just stepped out, but Sanghyuk had needed to go inside; Kato needed to be brushed.

He made a move to open the door.

“Please...wait.”

Dropping his hand to his side, he turned to take a seat next to the half full mug of hot coffee that he had abandoned in his haste to leave. He brought a leg up on the chair to hold against his chest and to give him a place to balance the mug he then resumed drinking. 

“Hyuk-ah...how have you been doing?” 

The question made him frown and grit his teeth together in a refusal to answer based on principle alone. 

“I bought a couple of puzzles I thought we could do sometime.”

That brought his attention back up to Taekwoon, his expression softening for only a moment before he resumed his disgruntled state. 

“I missed you.”

That pit in his stomach returned, but he felt too compelled by his statement to linger on it. His head lift from where he had tucked it against his chest and he looked at his friend with a saddened expression. Words escaped him for the moment and yet Taekwoon was still smiling softly. He somehow knew that he had gotten through to him. 

“How about I come over and we can work on the puzzle this afternoon?” 

Sanghyuk hoped that Taekwoon would pretend not to see the smile budding across his lips when he tucked his head down again.  So he nodded and hoped Taekwoon wouldn’t pretend not to see that. 

But Sanghyuk couldn’t pretend not to see the relieved smile on the man’s face nor how he nearly exclaimed that he would be right over with the puzzles. He tried to pretend that it didn’t seem that Taekwoon was actually  _ excited _ to come over. Taekwoon couldn’t have  _ really  _ missed him, right?

*

The next time that a kissed happened, it was such a minor one that Sanghyuk hesitated even classifying it as one. This was a kiss that his mother would have done had she still been alive. It wasn’t one that two men would share and so therefore didn’t mean anything. 

Right?

Sanghyuk sniffed and wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt as he bundled further under the mountain of blankets that he buried himself in. Kato was curled up on the floor where his feet would be if he could outstretch them but everything ached and hurt and he was so cold that he only wanted to be further buried into the couch. 

“Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon’s firm tone filtered from the kitchen and made the younger pathetically look over to him as he stood before a pot of soup. “There is tissue right next to you. Don’t use your shirt.”

All Taekwoon got in response was a whine even though Sanghyuk reached over for a clean tissue to continue wiping his nose. 

“There you go...now, why don’t you start the movie and I’ll be right over there with your soup, okay?” Another whine because the remote was just too far out of his reach and Sanghyuk was incapable of moving more than he already had, feeling the life draining from him even while he kept his eyes open.

Sanghyuk once again looked to his best friend when the man chuckled and made his way over to the living area, stepping around Kato to grab the remote to unpause the movie. He set it just within Sanghyuk’s reach. His actions then seemed autonomous. His hand curled around the back of Sanghyuk’s head gently and his lips pressed down to his forehead tenderly. They lingered even while Sanghyuk’s heart stopped in his chest. 

“I’ll be right back with your soup, sweetheart.” His breath felt cool against Sanghyuk’s heated forehead. Sanghyuk looked up only when Taekwoon pulled away. Taekwoon had the most soft of smiles on his mouth, successfully restarting Sanghyuk’s heart. “Keep being cute like that.” 

“Yes, hyung-sir.” Sanghyuk’s raspy voice responded when his heart started up his lungs. He felt a calming warmth rather than an ill heat when he heard another laugh from the man in his apartment.

*

“I'm glad you decided to get coffee with me.” A deep voice, a smooth one caused Sanghyuk to pause in opening the door further. One he had heard before.

“It was just coffee.” That was Taekwoon's. 

“Aw, but why? It could be more…”

“I told you that it was just going to be a cup of coffee.”

“Won't you at least invite me in?”

Taekwoon sighed.

“Come on...you know it'll be worth it. It's been weeks…” 

“...fine.”

Sanghyuk felt his heart break in his chest. He had just turned the handle of his door and it slid open a fraction, but it was enough to let the conversation filter into his apartment clearly. And it was clear the man was being invited in for…

The neighboring door shut and Sanghyuk didn't waste any time before he and Kato were slipping away from their apartment to get out of the vicinity. He didn't want to have to use his headphones for any reason. 

When he returned hours later, the God he didn't believe in hated him as it was just when the man was once again slipping from Taekwoon's apartment. Or well, he was waiting for the lift as Sanghyuk stepped out of it. He didn't seem to recognize or have any acknowledgment towards Sanghyuk as another person, which was fine by him. Besides, what really caught Sanghyuk's attention was that Taekwoon had been standing at the door, watching him go. And consequently was aware that Sanghyuk was returning at the same time.

Taekwoon stood straight from where he’d been leaning against the doorframe and his face seemed to echo shock that Sanghyuk had felt when he had heard the conversation earlier when he had been about to make his way over to Taekwoon’s to invite him over for a puzzle. 

Sanghyuk took the steps towards his apartment and tried to avoid eye contact, though found he couldn’t when a long fingered hand curled around his forearm to successfully stop him. 

“Sweetheart…”

“You had sex with that man?” 

The lack of an answer became one. Sanghyuk didn’t need the verbal confirmation, but he felt that he should hear it either way. He didn’t know what good it would do or how it would be beneficial at all. He had Kato at his side to keep him calm, though.

“Yes.” Taekwoon responded after moments of silence. 

Sanghyuk didn’t realize he began to chew on his bottom lip or that his hand reached up to tug lightly at the hair along his ear — the strands had gotten too long and he needed a trim that week. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that because he knew that Taekwoon probably felt that it just wasn’t his business to get into. 

He tugged a little more at his hair before Taekwoon stepped forward to stop him. He didn’t pull from the hands that enveloped his and held on gently. 

“Did you want to do a puzzle today, sweetheart?” The question had Sanghyuk continue to chew on his lip as he wasn’t sure if he wanted the man in his apartment after he had…

“A puzzle would be nice.” Sanghyuk agreed. 

*

“What is taking so long? Can you hurry up or something?” 

Sanghyuk didn’t glance over his shoulder to what he knew to be a man just barely smaller than him who stood behind him in line. There was only one other person behind him and Sanghyuk was nearly finished.

“Sir, we have the ability to break the larger bills.” 

“No, no! I have the exact amount…” Sanghyuk said, mostly to himself as he flipped through his wallet to find the proper bills he was looking for. He had made sure that he had taken out the correct amount for his shopping when he’d gone to the bank, but this purchase had not been planned. It meant his money wasn’t in the order necessary to have it presented accordingly.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me! I have five minutes left on my lunch break and I just want to get my coffee. Like, man, can you just get the retard out of the way?!” 

The word hit deep in Sanghyuk’s gut. His fingers shook and made looking for the money more difficult. His chest was tight and his breathing became shallow. Kato was not present at his side to alert him to the impending attack that had crept up on him. 

“Did your mother not teach you manners?” 

The soft voice drew Sanghyuk’s attention up from his intense focus on his wallet and so he didn’t even notice that Taekwoon had taken out his own card to pay for the coffee that Sanghyuk had splurged on. 

“Excuse me? And who the hell—“

“It doesn’t matter who I am, but I won’t have you talking to him like that. If you’re so short on time then maybe you shouldn’t have come out in the first place. It gives you no excuse to take your anger out on anyone else.” Taekwoon stood tall and unmoving and Sanghyuk wanted nothing more than in that moment to duck down and hide against him even though they had never touched in that way.

“Uh, sir?” 

Taekwoon only turned from the man to take his card and the receipt. He slipped his hand around Sanghyuk’s forearm to bring him from the counter and over to the waiting area, away from the man who angrily turned around anyways to leave the small coffee shop.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” Taekwoon asked even as he reached up to pull Sanghyuk’s fingers from his hair. “I’ve never seen you in here before; where’s Kato?”

Sanghyuk shook his head and still looked through his wallet, pulling out the amount that he had been looking for before to hold out for his best friend. “Here! I knew I had it..”

Taekwoon gave him an amused look and shook his head. He folded his hand around Sanghyuk’s to guide it back to him. “You don’t owe me, sweetheart. I am more than happy to buy you coffee. I just didn’t know you liked this place. I would have been buying you coffee more often!” 

His laugh is soft gentle that Sanghyuk didn’t feel it mocking. But he did feel the way his cheeks warmed and his fingers were still shaking when he put the money away and returned his wallet to his back pocket.

“I—“

“Order for uh— hyung-sir?”

Taekwoon glanced to the barista who had a confused look on her face and then glanced at Sanghyuk’s embarrassed one. He reached over to take the coffee with a grateful nod before he turned back to Sanghyuk.

“You bought this for me?” 

“No, cause you won’t take my money…” 

Taekwoon laughed again and took Sanghyuk’s hand so they could leave the coffee shop and head across the street to their building. “You didn’t need to get me coffee.”

“But I wanted to…” Was all Sanghyuk could say in his meek voice as they walked together, still holding hands.

“I appreciate it, sweetheart… so where is Kato? Is he feeling alright?”

The barest of scowls adorned Sanghyuk’s features. “I don’t have to take him everywhere with me. I  _ am _ an adult. I’m not a retard.” He ripped his hand from Taekwoon’s before they could cross the street. 

If Sanghyuk looked up, he would have seen the twinge of pain on his friend’s face. 

“I never once thought that about you, sweetheart. That man was an asshole and you shouldn’t listen to guys like him.”

“No, they’re just the type of guy you would sleep with.”

Taekwoon paused in his steps before he hurried to catch up and he took Sanghyuk’s forearm once again, this time to stop him before he could get too far. 

“What are you talking about? I’ve never—“

“That guy. Last week. I’ve seen him three times. The first time he told me to go find someone who is ‘into retards’ so I would leave you two alone.”

“Kibum? What? No, he wouldn’t…”

Sanghyuk pulled his arm away, “Well, he did. And he isn’t nice, but you had sex with him anyways, and again, and then last week. And...maybe you think I’m a retard, too. I’m glad I didn’t buy your stupid coffee. I only buy my friends stuff.”

This time, he didn’t let Taekwoon pull him back and he didn’t react to his name being called. He didn’t want to talk to Taekwoon anymore that day.

*

**Me:** I have to get my wisdom teeth removed   
**Hyung-Sir:** you don’t have them removed yet?   
**Me:** No, I do not.   
**Hyung-Sir:** so what do you need?   
**Me:** I have to get them removed   
**Me:** And I have to go under general anesthesia because local doesn’t work for me   
**Me** : Which means I have to have someone be at the hospital with me   
**Hyung-Sir:** oh. so you need me there with you?    
**Me:** Yes, if you're free Tuesday next week.   
**Hyung-Sir:** of course i’m free   
**Me:** Okay, thank you. I will call my doctor to let him know    
**Hyung-Sir:** is there anything else you need?   
**Me:** No.    
**Hyung-Sir:** want to do a puzzle today?   


*

“He's right in here, sir.” Sanghyuk blinked blearily when the voice startled him from his heavy unconscious state. His head felt heavy and his jaw felt achey, his tongue thick as he opened his eyes to see his best friend stepping into the room. Taekwoon neared him and took a seat by his bedside, setting a hand on his arm.

“Hi, sweetheart. The doctor said everything went well and I can take you home in a couple hours once you wake up more. So why don't you just rest now?”

Sanghyuk shook his head and immediately regretted it. He groaned and winced at the pain it caused in his skull, feeling like he had been pummeled by someone very mean.

“Oh, Hyuk-ah, does it hurt bad? I can get a nurse.” 

Sanghyuk snorted and looked over to his friend who sat with the concerned look on his face, the type that pursed his lips together and had him furrowing his brow. 

“That's a funny face. It can be a fake face, too, did you know that?” Sanghyuk mumbled despite the cotton in his mouth to keep him from bleeding. When Taekwoon didn't answer, Sanghyuk continued, “He had that face a lot, especially when we were in the hospital together. Cause people were more likely to not know what happened or not bother to ask what happened when he would look like that.”

“He?” Taekwoon whispered quietly, not taking his eyes from Sanghyuk for a second.

“Yeah, he. Him. My ex. And when he would cry, cause he could fake cry, too, I wouldn’t be able to talk cause I don’t like when people cry and then he would take me home and take care of me until I was better.” Sanghyuk continued to ramble, muttering to himself in between the louder bursts that Taekwoon was privy to. “I didn’t end up in the hospital a lot, but the last time… the last time was the worst. He broke my collarbone and I was stuck in bed  _ forever _ .” 

“Hyuk-ah…” Taekwoon breathed out and it drew Sanghyuk’s smiling, swollen face over his way. 

“I have Kato now though! Kato will protect me. And you! Kato likes you.” Sanghyuk stated as though he hadn’t just given explicit details of the abuse he endured from his ex. “I didn’t have Kato then. He didn’t like dogs. So when I moved, I got Kato and went far away.” 

There was silence, just the beeping of the monitor that Sanghyuk had to be hooked up to still that filled the silence. Sanghyuk’s eyes were wide as he stared at Taekwoon, not many thoughts going through his head as he simply thought about his past experiences with being in a hospital. 

“You have sex a lot.” 

Taekwoon scoffed but Sanghyuk continued. 

“I used to have sex a lot. But sex hurts, so I don’t know why you have it a lot.” 

Taekwoon reached up to brush some of Sanghyuk’s hair back as the younger man found himself pouting as he lay in the hospital bed. 

“Sex doesn’t… it doesn’t hurt, sweetheart. Not if it’s done right…” 

Sanghyuk laughed and shook his head, batting at Taekwoon’s hand to get it away from him. “No, no! No, it  _ does _ hurt! Every time. Every time it hurt...why do you like it so much?” Sanghyuk asked but it then became impossible to keep his eyes open for much longer. 

“We can talk about that later, sweetheart...you just get some rest. I’ll take you home soon so you can be with Kato.” 

All Sanghyuk could manage was a nod, missing the saddened expression on Taekwoon’s face or how he didn’t stop touching him even after he had drifted back to sleep.

*

“I crushed up the medicine very finely so you just have to make sure to eat all of the applesauce, okay, sweetheart?” Taekwoon spoke so softly but it sounded like he was yelling. Sanghyuk groaned and tried to roll away from the man, his jaw aching and making him want to cry — but he had discovered that crying only made it hurt more. 

“I don’t wanna!” Sanghyuk pouted, sniffling because try as he might, he still ended up with a few tears down his cheeks that were ultimately wiped away by Taekwoon’s soft hands. 

“You have to,” He implored gently. “I promise you’ll feel better. Remember how you felt better after you took it a few hours ago?”

“But now I feel like poop! So it doesn’t work!” The exclamation of his argument had Sanghyuk making further noises of pain. He refused to acknowledge the smile on Taekwoon’s face or how he was scooping the applesauce onto the spoon to feed it to Sanghyuk. Yet, he parted his lips either way to take it in. He ate all the bites that were offered to him and only when it was all gone was he whining again. 

“Do you want more?” Taekwoon asked softly, already moving away to fetch more for the grumpy man. The grunt/whine and nod was answer enough. “Alright, alright, I’ll feed you some more. I don’t want you getting sick with that medicine in your tummy anyways.” 

It continued on like that until Sanghyuk had had his fill and ended up more relaxed on the bed when the pain medicine had kicked in and taken away the ache that he couldn’t stand. His pain tolerance so embarrassingly low and his nerves already more sensitive to it then most others would be. His whining had only just settled, but kicked back up when Taekwoon dared move more than arm’s reach from him. He reached up to tug at his arm to keep him close. 

“Hyungie…” He murmured out in his sleep-addled voice, drawing Taekwoon’s soft gaze back to him. “Stay with me.” 

“Stay with you? I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I’m just shutting off the light so you can nap.” 

That answer placated Sanghyuk, causing him to pull his hand back to his chest to curl up tightly, wound up in blankets and resting more peacefully now that he wasn’t plagued with pain. He hardly noticed that Taekwoon had joined him in bed and gave no acknowledgement to it until the man’s arm wrapped around his waist and only then it was a content hum before he fell asleep. 


	4. Kittens and Bourbon Tastes

Sanghyuk sat out with Taekwoon on the balcony, the spring weather finally having given them a warm morning that didn’t require a jacket. Yet, they sat close together, near cuddling to take warmth from one another despite it not being necessary. Sanghyuk had long since finished his cup of coffee and Taekwoon was just about to finish his. While that was normally the reason they would head inside for the morning, Sanghyuk thought that maybe they could stay outside for a bit longer. 

Taekwoon didn’t move right away either, and Sanghyuk took that opportunity to turn and press a kiss to his mouth. There was  _ just _ an underlying taste of cigarettes that was hidden mostly by the coffee but it alerted Sanghyuk to the fact that Taekwoon  _ did _ still smoke. 

He pulled back from the kiss to look at Taekwoon unhappily. 

Yet, despite the unhappiness being clear, Taekwoon still smiled at him softly, seemingly used to the mood shifts that sometimes occurred before Sanghyuk could express his thoughts entirely to explain them.

“You still smoke.” He pout became more prominent just as Taekwoon’s smile faded slightly. 

“Yeah...just a couple sticks a day.” Taekwoon wouldn’t lie to Sanghyuk, but a part of Sanghyuk wish he had. 

“Will you stop? Cause kissing you tastes gross.” 

The bluntness had Taekwoon chuckling despite the fact that Sanghyuk was entirely serious about his statement. 

“I taste gross?” 

“When you smoke you do, yes. And I don’t like it and it’s bad for you anyways, hyung-sir.” 

“It’s bad for me?” 

“Yes!” Sanghyuk sighed, feeling exasperated but not enough to pull away from the embrace that he was confined in. “You should know that! Smoking is very bad and it will make you age faster and you’re too pretty to have gross smoking wrinkles. So you should stop,  _ especially _ if you want to keep kissing me. You want to keep kissing me, right?” 

Taekwoon blinked at him with that growing smile of adoration. Sanghyuk couldn’t keep pouting when he was looked at like that and yet kept silent to let the other man respond to him. 

“I would be kissing you now if you would let me, sweetheart.” 

“Oh.” Sanghyuk smiled sheepishly. When the kiss resumed, he ignored the taste of cigarettes which really wasn’t  _ all _ that assaulting and instead focused on the way that Taekwoon’s tongue would lick along his lips, how it would flick just behind his top teeth to tease against his own. It was easy to get lost in all the ways that Taekwoon would kiss him. Enough so that when Sanghyuk turned his head just barely to gather a breath, the kissing didn’t stop. Or well, the kiss did, but not the movements of Taekwoon’s mouth. His wet lips trailed down Sanghyuk’s neck and it made him shiver. The warmth that spread through him was unfamiliar and his response was to grip Taekwoon tighter even if the man showed no signs of going anywhere. 

Sanghyuk breathed less evenly, though it seemed that Taekwoon didn’t care or worry. There was that heat that made him feel lightheaded but he didn’t know how to respond to it other than whine breathlessly and try to pull himself closer to Taekwoon who had him nearly brought into his lap at that point. The way that he was being kissed had him shivering even if the sun was just perfectly warm over them. 

Then there were teeth. 

He pushed at Taekwoon’s shoulders quickly and looked at him wide-eyed, afraid. 

“Sanghyuk, what’s wrong?” Taekwoon’s words were immediately clear, sudden and genuinely concerned when spoken. He took Sanghyuk’s hands directly into his when he saw how they curled in on themselves. 

“You bit me.” The words came out in one breath, sudden as Taekwoon’s, but full of tension. “Why would you do that? I thought you liked me.” 

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry...did that hurt you?” He moved a hand to caress the part of Sanghyuk’s neck that he had bitten. It caused Sanghyuk to flinch away from it. “I hurt you? I’m so sorry.” 

While Taekwoon didn’t pull away entirely, he wasn’t as close and that was enough to allow Sanghyuk to think through the situation more calmly. He felt his heart slow from the panic it’d immediately leapt to. Taekwoon had bit him, but did it hurt...he couldn’t tell immediately and when he lifted his hand to brush against it himself, it didn’t sting and there was no blood when he looked at his fingertips. No, he didn’t believe it hurt… 

“No.” Sanghyuk whispered, realizing that his body was still warm rather than having gone cold and tense at the bite despite how his mind reacted. “I think it was good. So do it again.” 

“Do it again? Just like that?” Taekwoon asked even as he was closing in on Sanghyuk once more. He waited for a nod before his mouth was back at Sanghyuk’s neck. He didn’t bite right away, which was unexpected to Sanghyuk, but the kisses had him relaxing again, the way his tongue swirled over his skin so that when there was another bite, he let out the breath he had been holding in anticipation. It was entwined with a moan when his body recognized pleasure as being the only sensation he felt right then. 

Maybe not all biting was bad…

*

“Everyone is different, Hyuk-ah...and I know that you don’t...like more than this…” The words were panted out into the quiet air of the apartment as Sanghyuk mirrored the motions that Taekwoon had only applied to him a handful of times. “But I...I like it a bit harder. You can...bite me harder.” Something about those words, whatever they were, caused Sanghyuk to feel  _ compelled _ to do that. Was it the way he said them? Was it why he said them? Sanghyuk didn’t know, but when his teeth applied more pressure to the delicate skin of Taekwoon’s neck, the noise he released had that heat pooling between Sanghyuk’s thighs. 

There were words of encouragement that didn’t quite make sense to Sanghyuk in that moment. All of his focus was on how sweet Taekwoon’s skin tasted beneath his tongue, how the light tang was sure to be from whatever soap he used, and the smoothness of his skin was from the delicate way he cared for himself. The scent was intoxicating and it reminded Sanghyuk of that time he’d had his father’s bourbon, the way it made his head feel heavy and his tongue thick. The world didn’t quite make sense in those moments, but he knew that things would be okay despite the worries that would normally plague him. 

Taekwoon was like bourbon. 

Sanghyuk didn’t know what it was that drew him back from Taekwoon’s neck, but when he looked at his best friend again, the man’s face was flushed and his eyes were dilated. It was not a look that Sanghyuk had seen before, but it was one that caused a knee-jerk reaction. 

Their mouths pressed together with a passion that Sanghyuk had never experienced. It was raw and it was deep within his chest in a way he knew that his ex had never made him feel. Taekwoon’s hands were up and tangling in his hair at the back of his neck, pulling him closer even as he was moving to do just that. Sanghyuk’s large hands were aiding him before he could even give thought to it, and before he knew it, Taekwoon was straddling his lap and his own hands were moving up Taekwoon’s shirt to feel at his skin desperately. 

Another sound left Taekwoon. Sanghyuk swallowed it eagerly. He didn’t notice how the man was feeling until he moved to rock their hips together, shifting up in Sanghyuk’s lap until there was friction that sent lightning bolts through Sanghyuk’s nerves. This time, though, he didn’t feel the need to pull away. Not from fear, at least. He didn’t want to pull away when Taekwoon kept making those little sounds into his mouth and was pulling at Sanghyuk like he couldn’t get enough of him. No one had ever touched him like this and the newness of it all was exciting and thrilling. 

It only ended when Taekwoon pulled to take a breath after a particularly firm rock of his hips downward, creating further friction that neither man would be able to ignore. He breathed out across Sanghyuk’s lips and followed up by kissing them a few more times. Sanghyuk could do nothing but kiss back each time, holding tighter to the elder who was so close and yet not close enough. He didn’t know how to get him closer. 

“I…” Taekwoon’s hand caressed down the side of Sanghyuk’s face and he leaned into it without even thinking. “I really like you, Hyuk-ah.” It was such an odd thing to say to Sanghyuk and he opened his mouth to say just as much when the other continued. “I mean… I  _ like _ you, sweetheart and I like these kisses and...I want to have more than just kisses with you. I want...I want more with you. Do you understand what I mean?” 

Sanghyuk chewed his bottom lip until Taekwoon’s thumb brought the flesh from his teeth and then he nodded his head. “You want to have sex with me.” 

Taekwoon flushed darker and Sanghyuk realized that he thought it was cute to see that on his face. “I mean...eventually, yeah, if you’d… yeah.” 

He had rarely ever seen Taekwoon become shy like that. He didn’t know how to feel about that, didn’t know if it was something he could bear doing to Taekwoon, but if the man wanted… 

“You don’t have to say anything now. You can think about it. Right now...I’d really just like to kiss you.” It was a good thing that Taekwoon could be so open with what he wanted, with what he needed to say, because Sanghyuk felt too flustered to say anything, too confused. It was easier to just melt back into the kiss that held the same passion, but less desperation than the one prior. That was something that Sanghyuk could happily lose himself in for a bit longer. 

*

“God dammit!” Taekwoon yelled, startling Sanghyuk who had been sitting at the table with their most current puzzle. Since Taekwoon had started joining him to do these, Sanghyuk had gone through so many more and his walls were quickly becoming covered in the glued together pieces. This one, they’d been working on together as well until Taekwoon had gotten a phone call he’d been waiting for for so long. 

“Hyung-sir?” Sanghyuk asked quietly, seeing how Taekwoon slammed his phone down on the counter before looking over at him. The anger and violence was too familiar, even if Sanghyuk knew that was not who Taekwoon was. His entire demeanor softened at the call of his name and he looked at Sanghyuk apologetically. “Was that a bad phone call?” 

Taekwoon walked around the counter to approach Sanghyuk who was still tense. 

“It was a  _ very _ bad phone call, sweetheart. I’m sorry I yelled. Are you hungry? I can start dinner now.” He placed a kiss to Sanghyuk’s forehead before he was turning around to head back into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. Sanghyuk had requested chicken because he knew that Taekwoon was very unlikely to refuse him anything. 

“What was it about?” He asked as he returned to placing the pieces in the correct order. His fingers worked slowly as he had no real desire to work on a puzzle without Taekwoon across the table from him.    
  
There was a silence for a while, a hesitance on Taekwoon’s part before the man answered. “Well...the field I’m in is pretty exclusive… and my ex-employer let it get out that I’m gay so I’m running into a lot of walls trying to get another job.” 

“I don’t see you running into any walls.” 

Taekwoon chuckled and shook his head, his back turned to Sanghyuk still. “No, sweetheart, I don’t mean—” 

Sanghyuk couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from his lips, having always been terrible at keeping a straight face when telling a joke and it brought Taekwoon’s attention back to him anyways, which is what he ultimately wanted. 

“Oh, you…” Taekwoon laughed and before Sanghyuk knew it, they were within reach once again and Taekwoon was leaning over him to pepper his face with kisses, only having earned more of those giggles as a result. 

“Hyung-sir, stop it!” Sanghyuk didn’t try to push him off though and his laughter didn’t bother Kato in the slightest, didn’t prompt him to rise and protect his person. “No, stop it! That tickles!” The mouth continued to run over his cheeks and down his jaw and along his neck, every one of them feeling ticklish and making him feel warm. Taekwoon was good at making him feel warm. 

“You brat...now let me be a good hyung-sir and get dinner ready.” 

“Yes, hyung-sir.” Sanghyuk grinned up at him, his face bright with the emotion even though he was left at the table again. He didn’t resume the puzzle this time, far more interested in watching his hyung move around the kitchen like he was at home, having understood and gotten used to Sanghyuk’s special organization. 

*

**Hyung-Sir:** can i bring melon over today? she isn’t feeling well   
**Me:** Is she okay? Do we need to take her to the vet?    
**Hyung-Sir:** no, it’s okay. her vet is on holiday and the emergency is expensive    
**Hyung-Sir:** i can just keep an eye on her   
**Me:** That’s nonsense. I will get Kato ready and you put Melon into a carrier.    
**Hyung-Sir:** what? why?   
**Me:** Because we’re taking her to the vet. I will pay   
**Hyung-Sir:** hyuk-ah, no   
**Me:** I already have my shoes on and you know I don’t like shoes so I will meet you outside

*

Sanghyuk laid on his side in bed with Melon curled up against his stomach, tucked in against him for warmth just under the blanket. Kato was over by his feet, undisturbed by the presence of the feline and not minding his person busy with another animal. Taekwoon had gone out for shopping, leaving Sanghyuk there to care for the sick little kitten — who wasn’t a kitten, but felt as tiny as one when Sanghyuk was only used to the massive size of his mountain dog. Melon wasn’t too sick, but sick enough that Sanghyuk hadn’t wanted to leave her alone for any amount of time. 

Sleep had taken him without his consent. He had had the TV going when he had laid down, but when he woke he found himself in near darkness without either Kato or Melon with him. There was a silence to apartment that he was not familiar with. It caused an immediate spike of anxiety to shoot through him as he was even afraid to call out for Kato or Melon or Taekwoon. Where could his animals have gone? 

When the front door opened, the near silent sweep of it across wooden floor, Sanghyuk pulled the blanket up high over his head, hiding underneath it where he felt he would be the safest, afraid of who just might be entering his apartment, terrified of what they might want. He didn’t feel hidden enough, but he knew there was no where else for him to go. 

He was sure that his spot on the bed was obvious to the person coming towards his room and then his bed. The steps were quiet and were barely audible over the beating of his heart in his ears. He felt his fingers go numb from how tightly he was grasping onto the blanket, though, and he was doing his best to stay quiet. He didn’t realize that the sobs he was unknowingly releasing were far from quiet. 

The touch to his arm had him reacting quickly, violent and sudden. He screamed as he kicked out his legs and swung his arms towards the direction of the figure who sat on his bed. It was with every intent to protect himself, to not fall victim again, to not end up in another hospital bed after all he’d gone through. He was uncoordinated and soon tangled himself in the blanket and left himself immobile. And it was only then that the blanket was pulled from his head and he saw the bloodied face of his hyung-sir. 

“Sweetheart, sweetheart, Hyuk-ah, it’s me.” Gentle hands cupped his cheeks and wiped at the tears, the lip of the man swollen and his eye blinking rapidly as red surrounded it. “Calm down, it’s just me.” 

“Hy-Hyung-sir?” 

Taekwoon smiled gently, moving to help bring the blanket from around his overheating form. “Yes, it’s me. I’m so sorry I scared you.” 

“W-where did...d-did you go? W-where’s K-K-Kato? M-Melon?! I-I lost Melon!” Sanghyuk cried, pushing himself up but finding himself brought into Taekwoon’s arms persistently. 

“It was time for Kato to go out. Melon is sleeping on the couch. I think she’s feeling better. Do you remember I had to go to the store?” 

The words hardly made sense to Sanghyuk at first and it took minutes for them to disentangle from the mess that was his mind. All the while, Taekwoon pet his hair and said sweet things to him to help calm him. Only when his heart stopped pounding away in his ears was he able to speak again. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out...I hurt you, didn’t I?” He tipped his head up to look at Taekwoon who still looked at him so affectionately. He touched at the broken lip gently with the pads of his fingers. “I’m not supposed to hit people...and I hit you and that makes me a very bad boyfriend.” 

“No, that doesn’t make you—” Taekwoon stopped short and blinked at Sanghyuk with confusion — Sanghyuk knew his confused look because of how his brows would furrow and he would tip his head to the side. “Boyfriend? Since...are we—? When did we become boyfriends, sweetheart?” 

Sanghyuk blinked at Taekwoon this time. “S-since we kiss… a lot. And...and you want to do that  _ thing _ with me...doesn’t that mean…?” 

There was a soft smile and Sanghyuk had come to really enjoy that smile, the one that made his heart race and his eyes soften and his heart to do a weird thing in between all the racing it did. It was that smile that he received in that moment and it didn’t make him feel so stupid for saying what he did. 

“We can be boyfriends, sweetheart. I just didn’t know if you wanted to be yet.” 

Sanghyuk nodded his head aggressively, quickly and then looked over the damage to Taekwoon’s face. “But...how can we be boyfriends if I hit you?” 

Taekwoon took Sanghyuk’s hand in his and lift it to press gentle kisses to his fingertips. “Because these hands would never hurt me. I understand that you were just really scared and thought you were going to be hurt. But you aren’t scared of me, right?” 

Sanghyuk shook his head just as aggressively. 

“And you could never scare me. I know you reacted like that cause you thought someone was here to hurt you. And you feel really bad about hurting me. I know that you didn’t do it cause you were mad or wanted to hurt me.” Taekwoon spoke all the words that helped calm Sanghyuk, easing the tension in him and allowing him to melt further into Taekwoon’s body until his face was buried in his neck where he could hide while his hair was being pet. 

“I’m so sorry I hit you...I didn’t know it was you.” His meek voice echoed from Taekwoon’s neck but the man only shook his head. 

“I forgive you because I understand you didn’t mean to hurt me. And next time, if you’re napping, I will let you know that I’ve taken Kato out or I will wait until you wake up.” 

“Yes, thank you hyung-boyfriend-sir.” 

Taekwoon chuckled but didn’t stop petting Sanghyuk’s hair. 

*

Sanghyuk was nervous as he sat on the pristine suede couch. His back was a bit too taut and his expression pinched as he did his best to look welcoming and friendly. Taekwoon was at his side, a hand on his lap to entwine their hands together, and it was all Sanghyuk could do to focus on it and not the hustle and bustle that was occurring around them. 

He was dressed in his best — he had purchased said slacks and button down shirt when Taekwoon had raided his closet and said none of that would do. Taekwoon wore a shirt that was too big, tucked into the dark jeans on one side with a belt just peeking out. He had earrings lining his ear and coal along his eyes. He looked so handsome that Sanghyuk hadn't known what to do with himself when he'd stepped out of the bathroom, let alone when they had to leave the apartment to go out. 

Kato had been left in Sanghyuk's attempt to be normal and passing — but he had told Taekwoon he simply didn't need him that night. 

Now he wished he had brought him. 

The tray of hors d'oeuvres set on the table with multiple hands having pulled the small… whatever they were from it. Sanghyuk watched as crumbs were left and an uneven amount of hors d'oeuvres had then remained. He didn't notice how it encouraged him to scratch at his thigh over his slack, long motions to help ground him, until Taekwoon took that hand in his to calm him. 

“So, it's Sanghyuk, right?” A loud voice, so loud, with a man with just as loud of a face sat on the opposing couch and looked at the pair. “It's so nice to finally meet you. Daeguni talks about you  _ so _ much! You're neighbors, right?”

Taekwoons stepped up to speak, his smile so easy going that Sanghyuk actually felt jealous for once. He never minded being different until that situation. 

“Yes, we're neighbors. Hyuk-ah, this is Lee Jaehwan, my friend since forever.”

“H-hi.” Sanghyuk said, lacking the social etiquette to elaborate anymore and he saw how Jaehwan's face morphed into confusion when glancing to Taekwoon who only shook his head. But there was an encouraging smile on Taekwoon's face when Sanghyuk glanced at him. “N-Nice to m-m-meet you.” The bright smile that Taekwoon gave him made him feel proud of that and he sat up straighter in response. 

“You, too! How long—” 

“I didn't know you were going to be here, Woonie. I've missed you!” 

Some man of not any significant height grabbed Taekwoon's hand to pull him from the couch and into his arms. He gave no thought to Sanghyuk who was left on the couch, whose heart was starting to beat madly in his chest as he saw his hyung-boyfriend-sir be manhandled. The man crushed Taekwoon to his chest and all Sanghyuk wanted to do was tug Taekwoon back to the couch with him. 

“You haven't been to a party in so long. Where did you get off to, baby?”

_ Baby? _

Sanghyuk watched as Taekwoon wedged his hands between himself and the other man to get some distance between them.

“I'm not your  _ ‘baby _ ’ anymore, Jiheon. And I didn't get off to anywhere. I've had my own life to deal with.” 

“Is that so? I've heard quite a different story.”

“From who?” 

“From Gisung.”

Taekwoon's spine snapped straight and Sanghyuk didn't understand. He saw Taekwoon's hand fall to his side and took that opportunity to slip his own into it, holding onto it for both of their comfort. His boyfriend didn't say anymore, though he wasn't given the opportunity to when the man noticed their hands interlocking. 

“Who's this?” 

Sanghyuk met the man's gaze even from where he sat, but found words impossible to come by and Taekwoon had yet to come out of his stupor. 

“This is Sanghyuk!” Jaehwan interjected. “He is Daeguni's boyfriend!” 

“ _ Daeguni _ has a  _ boyfriend? _ Now, that’s unexpected.” 

“Don’t start, Jiheon.” Taekwoon squeezed Sanghyuk’s hand and tugged him to stand up. Which he did, of course, his shoulder just resting behind Taekwoon’s, but his eyes at a higher level than the man who was being so pushy and unnecessary. 

“I just didn’t think it’d be possible for you to settle with one dick.” 

“Okay, that’s enough.” Jaehwan once again spoke up, stepping around the table with the uneven amount of hors d'oeuvres. He took Jiheon’s arm to guide him back from the couple and shot Taekwoon an apologetic look in the process. 

Sanghyuk didn’t know if anything more was said because Taekwoon turned to face him and took both of his hands in his own. He looked up at Sanghyuk with those eyes that Sanghyuk didn’t like. They were… sad. Sanghyuk didn’t like when his hyung-boyfriend-sir looked sad like that. 

“Don’t listen to what he said.” 

“What did he—” 

“Please, Hyuk-ah. Let’s just...why don’t we go home?” 

Sanghyuk pouted the slightest and glanced down to the table with the uneven amount of food that still bothered him, the crumbs were everywhere and the mess got right underneath Sanghyuk’s skin. 

“Dinner hasn’t been served yet.” 

“We can pick up something on the way home. But...please? Can...I just want to be with you.” 

Sanghyuk didn’t understand. What was it that the man said that bothered his hyung-boyfriend-sir so much? He wanted to know what upset him so much and who was…

“Please...don’t think about it now.” Taekwoon pleaded with him, lifting a hand to brush back some of Sanghyuk’s styled hair that Taekwoon had assured him time and time again looked handsome when Sanghyuk had never once styled his hair a day in his life. He hesitated for just a bit longer before he nodded his head and allowed his hyung-boyfriend-sir to take him from the dinner party. 

It was not two hours later that they were home, having had something to eat while out before they returned home — to Sanghyuk’s home. The silence that permeated the air was tense and made Sanghyuk’s skin crawl, made him quick to shed the clothing he was in without care to Taekwoon who had just shut the front door. 

His fingers were shaking in his attempt to undo his shirt, finding the buttons all too confining — it was why he didn’t wear button downs. This wasn’t a pre-episode, but it was just a need to wind down, to be comfortable in his one safe place. He didn’t notice when Taekwoon’s hands joined the mix, his soft words helping to ease him to relax while his long fingers undid the buttons aptly. He didn’t fight when the shirt was slid from his arms and then the undershirt being untucked from his pants. He didn’t mind one way or the other in that moment when Taekwoon pulled the shirt up as well, baring soft skin on a lanky form, not entirely muscleless but sans definition in his mostly inactive lifestyle. Fingers caressed the soft flesh of his sides and stomach once the shirt had been removed and goosebumps were quick to rise on his skin in response. 

Sanghyuk looked down at his hyung-boyfriend-sir and watched how those catlike eyes roamed over his form without any shame, a hunger to them that Sanghyuk had only ever seen in his ex — but he knew, was well aware of the fact, that Taekwoon was not his ex; this hunger would not lead to pain or shame. He didn’t recall the anxiety that had been creeping up on him when Taekwoon ran his fingers up to his shoulders, leaning up to press their mouths together in the initial way as they normally did. The kind of softness that had him relaxing further was what Sanghyuk could handle. 

He didn’t know when it happened, but his hands rest at Taekwoon’s hips, fingertips just elevated enough and tucked under the material of his shirt to allow them to brush against skin that felt hot and alluring. Sanghyuk had never felt so compelled to touch another before — granted, he never wanted to touch people and Taekwoon was already that exception. He was further made aware of the heat when the desire to see him without his shirt came to the forefront of his mind. Taekwoon didn’t stop him, did happen to stop the kiss, but didn’t halt his actions when he lift the too large shirt from over his head, baring skin that was too smooth to be real. 

Neither said anything when their fronts pressed together, bare skin lighting something fierce inside of Sanghyuk. His hand moved to cup Taekwoon’s jaw to bring him into another kiss, one that mirrored the fiery passion that had developed from an unfamiliar place, one Sanghyuk never knew existed. He should be afraid, he should be wary of it, but he had come to learn not to be afraid with Taekwoon. 

Taekwoon kissed like he did nothing else. Everything else the man did was calculated, well thought out, and with precise actions to ensure things went according to his plans. Sanghyuk had seen that, seen him act in special ways that would only make sense if you knew the thoughts behind it, which he only had recently. But kissing him was a whole other story. Taekwoon didn’t seem to care about the process, think of his actions, or maybe he did and this was just how he knew to drive Sanghyuk to a point in which he’d never been before. 

Feeling Taekwoon’s tongue inside of his mouth had at first been alarming, but they were far past that point. Tasting it, the slight alcohol that coated his tongue, the lack of cigarettes as the man had all but stopped entirely, had Sanghyuk melting into it further. 

He didn’t know who had taken the first step, but Taekwoon’s back had soon been pressed back against the counter, a soft gasp echoing into his mouth to alert him that Taekwoon was pinned between him and the object, leaving no room for him to go anywhere. Sanghyuk was pretty sure that it was a joint effort, though, to get Taekwoon onto the counter. 

Legs were wrapped around Sanghyuk’s hips before he understood what was going on, hands across his back with dull fingernails drawing down on either side of his spine. He didn’t know if he was kissing well, but there was clearly a favorable response from the way that he was nipping at Taekwoon’s lip — another thing he had learned from the man didn’t have to mean pain — and swiping his tongue into his mouth, wanting to know every millimeter of him. 

The room felt all too hot and being pressed so close to Taekwoon had led Sanghyuk to start sweating. His immediate response was to pull from the kiss, but when he did, Taekwoon was then kissing at his neck, nipping the skin there which only caused the heat to pool further in his stomach in an unfamiliar way. 

“Ah, Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon muttered when he was able to crane up to kiss and nip at Sanghyuk’s earlobe. “I want you so badly…” The words rolled off his tongue like they had a thousand times before, but Sanghyuk didn’t think about that. “Tell me you want me, too.” 

The request was...difficult to answer. It made something inside of him spark and immediately come to attention because yes, yes he did want Taekwoon, but he didn’t know what that meant, or what to do about it. 

He couldn’t answer. 

Taekwoon’s breath was hot and heavy on his ear, but it faded away when the man moved back to look at him. His hyung-boyfriend-sir still had that look in his eyes, but he wasn’t as grabby, wasn’t as desperate in his touches when he rest his hands on Sanghyuk’s broad shoulders. 

“What is it, sweetheart?” Taekwoon asked in that tone he used often with Sanghyuk, one of understanding and gentleness that was enough to coax Sanghyuk into speaking. “Is this too much for you?”

Sanghyuk’s lack of an answer was enough for Taekwoon. The man smiled and ran his hand through Sanghyuk’s hair gently before settling on the back of his neck softly. His eyes were kind once again, entirely, no more hunger lying there when Sanghyuk met his eyes again. 

“Why don’t you go shower before sleep? You won’t like how the product feels in the morning. I’ll take Kato out and go shower myself and then join you in bed, okay?” 

The offer was so compassionate, so understanding. Sanghyuk didn’t have a choice but to nod and lean forward for a quick kiss. He didn’t think to help Taekwoon off the counter as he shuffled to the bathroom to shower as he’d been told. He didn’t mind the chuckle that followed after him because he knew that Taekwoon would never laugh at him. He looked forward to laying in bed with him again.

*

What had awoken Sanghyuk lay a mystery. He was sound asleep one moment and suddenly restless the next. There was a pit in his stomach and a hole in his chest. Had it been a bad dream? A noise? He slept without his headphones nowadays so doubted it was the latter. And his heart was too calm for it to have been a bad dream. Kato looked unbothered as well. 

Sitting up in bed, Sanghyuk glanced at his mostly dark room, the light from the city only spilling somewhat among the furniture. The window was open and the sounds from below hardly reached his apartment. A light breeze brought in the type of fresh air that one would expect from the city but it didn't account for his sudden awakening. 

Reaching over to the side of the bed to find it empty, his fingers curled into the sheet and that hole in his chest only grew. 

The bed was too empty. 

Moving quietly and smoothly without intent to bother Kato, he stepped into his slippers and was shuffling from his bedroom and to the front door. 

He didn't knock, didn't hesitate, but pressed in the code and walked right into Taekwoon's apartment without invitation. He didn't need that with his boyfriend. 

It felt quieter over there, the light less so due to the curtains being drawn, but Sanghyuk knew his way to the bedroom. And he stepped to it with a purpose in mind. Even if Taekwoon happened to be sound asleep, which he was when Sanghyuk pushed open the door—his sheet laid haphazardly across his waist and his chest bare of clothes, bathed in near darkness—he stepped forward to quietly climb into bed with him. 

“Hyung? Hyung-boyfriend-sir…” He gently shook his shoulder and watched those brows furrow and lips purse before eyelids fluttered and revealed sleep-addled eyes. 

“Hyuk-ah?” Taekwoon pushed himself up to his elbows quickly. “Sweetheart, what's the matter? Did something happen? Are you and Kato okay?” Sanghyuk nodded his head quickly and it only confused the man further. “What is it, baby?”

“I...I couldn't sleep cause the bed is too big and empty.” The tone was soft, shy. 

The confusion melted away to adoration quickly. Taekwoon pushed himself the rest of the way up. Sanghyuk's cheek was cupped gently and their lips were soon pressed together. 

“Do you want me to come stay with you?” 

Sanghyuk nodded quickly. “And Melon, too.”

“And Melon, too. Come on, let's get you back in bed.” 

Taekwoon had stepped from the bed without worrying about a shirt or slippers like Sanghyuk had, simply had scooped Melon, who looked quite perturbed by the disturbance, and made his way from the bedroom with a hand in Sanghyuk's. They said nothing as they made their way back to the other apartment and into the bedroom until they were curled up together in bed and that hole had filled in Sanghyuk's chest. 

“Will you be able to sleep now, sweetheart?” Taekwoon's voice was soft on his flesh and the tone soothing on his ears. 

“I think so. Thank you, hyung.” Sanghyuk whispered a bit shyly and glanced down at the foot of the bed where Melon had taken up kneading on Kato's side who didn't seem to even notice. 

“Don't thank me...I like sleeping in this bed anyways. It's better than mine. Now let's get to sleep. It's your turn to make breakfast tomorrow.” 

Sanghyuk said nothing else as he stared at the kneading cat and felt Taekwoon fall back asleep beside him. His breathing was even and there may have been the slightest of snores coming from him. It made him feel content. And definitely content enough to fall asleep himself. 


	5. Love and Warm Laughter

“I don't understand, hyung.” 

It was the third time that they were going through this. Taekwoon was only just starting to lose his patience, though. He explained it as simply as he could. And yet, Sanghyuk still couldn't get his mind wrapped around it. 

They sat across one another at the small table in the cafe just down from where they lived. Taekwoon had his hands resting on Sanghyuk's free one, just gently brushing along his knuckles. Sanghyuk was still sipping at his coffee and picking at the muffin he had purchased. 

“What is it you don't understand, sweetheart?” 

Sanghyuk pursed his lips together. “How...can it not hurt? It always hurt.” 

Taekwoon sighed softly and squeezed the hand he held. “It always hurt...because your ex was a very bad person. He didn't care if you felt good, and that's what makes him a bad person. But if it is with someone who cares about you, like I know you care for me—” 

“No!” Sanghyuk replied maybe a little too loudly. He turned a few heads and drew Kato's attention. It took a gentle squeeze from Taekwoon's hand and a few minutes of deep breathing to calm the anxious state he had been thrown into. “I won't do that to you. I won't hurt you, hyung. You...you can do it.” Sanghyuk urged quietly, knowing that no one else needed to hear this conversation. 

“I can do it? Do what, sweetheart?” 

Taekwoon was always so gentle speaking to Sanghyuk and it made his heart do funny things. He felt warm and calm as it was clear that Taekwoon gave him a lot of thought and consideration. 

“You can...you can do  _ that _ to me.” Sanghyuk finally got out, feeling a bit shy from it and deciding that he needed a minute to himself. “I'm going to the bathroom before we leave.” 

They both rose from the table and Taekwoon was looking at him ever so calmly. “Take your time, Hyuk-ah. I'm going to wait outside.”

“You won't smoke, right?” Sanghyuk urgently asked him. Kato rose from his spot at Sanghyuk's side.

“No, sweetheart. I haven't smoked in weeks and I don't intend to start again.”

That was an answer that Sanghyuk could accept. He nodded his head and glanced down to his companion before at his boyfriend once more. “Kato, go with hyung-boyfriend-sir. The bathroom here is too small.” He turned on his heel without pausing to ensure Kato understood the command, but the lack of pattering paws was proof enough he did. 

Sanghyuk didn't need to use the bathroom but he had wanted to splash water on his face to help calm the heat in his cheeks. He had been given much to think about and a lot of it conflicted with what he knew to be the truth, or the only truth that he had ever been exposed to. Sanghyuk had no reason to think that Taekwoon would lie to him, yet it was hard for him to get his mind wrapped around what he was told. He figured he would ask more questions when they were home and were working on their puzzle. 

When Sanghyuk dried his face adequately enough, he pushed open the door at the door in the coincidental moment Kato’s loud barking echoed through the cafe as the front door swung open. He wasted no time in rushing out, his heart caught in his throat as the worst ran through his head, thinking that Taekwoon had come to harm or why else would Kato be vocalizing in a way. 

Stepping out of the cafe and angling his body, he saw Kato standing defensively at Taekwoon’s side as a man stood before with a grizzly smirk that had Sanghyuk’s skin crawling. 

“I said I'm done with you, Gisung. I thought Sanghyuk had already told you that before.”

“You don't get to be done until I say we're done. So call off the dumb mutt, stop making a scene, and come with me upstairs.” When the man reached for Taekwoon’s arm, Sanghyuk stepped forward to do something just as Kato barked again, yet neither of them had to do anything when Taekwoon continued the scene he was making by knocking away Gisung’s hand and stepping back.

“I said, no. We're done. You're lucky I didn't call the police the last time you were here, but if I ever see you in my building again, I will. And if Kato lunges at you one more time, I'm sure as hell not going to stop him.”

The man stared down at Taekwoon, though glanced at the dog often as Kato had not relaxed his form. Neither of the two knew Sanghyuk stood just behind them until the man’s gaze fell to him and he scoffed as a final reply. Only when he turned to leave did Taekwoon’s shoulders sag and fold in on himself. He leaned down to let his hand sink into Kato’s fur for comfort as Sanghyuk had done many times.

“Hyung?” Sanghyuk called quietly, not wanting to startle the tense man as he understood what it was like to be worked up and have to suddenly come back from it. “Hyungie?”

Taekwoon looked up and smiled gently at the sight of Sanghyuk, holding out a hand for him that wasn't left hanging for more than two seconds. Their hands slid together and fingers entwined. 

“That’s Gisung.” Sanghyuk spoke quietly, not bothering to ask the obvious when it was made more than clear to him. Taekwoon nodded either way. Sanghyuk looked up to see the man’s retreating back and only when he turned the corner did Kato completely relax and turn to further comfort Taekwoon, his other person as far as he was concerned. “He won’t come back again, right?” 

Taekwoon squeezed Sanghyuk’s hand and motioned for them to start walking back to their building, which Sanghyuk did. “No, sweetheart. He won’t be back.” That seemed to placate Sanghyuk and he said no more about it. 

*

“It hurt with Gisung because he was bad.” Taekwoon explained quietly as the two of them settled down for the night. He was hardly in his own apartment these days and had no interest in staying the night alone once Sanghyuk had made it clear to him that he much preferred not to sleep alone. Melon liked to curl up to Kato since that first night anyways. 

“And...it hurt because my ex was bad…” Sanghyuk connected the dots finally. It wasn’t that he was stupid, and Taekwoon would never had implied that, but he just couldn’t imagine that the one thing his ex had violently taken from him again and again could actually be enjoyable. And if he were honest, he still didn’t think it could be. 

Taekwoon sighed softly and curled closer to Sanghyuk’s chest. Sanghyuk’s arms drew him in close. A part of Sanghyuk felt the tension that still lay between them; he could tell Taekwoon had more he wanted to say. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you wouldn’t!” Taekwoon pushed himself up on his elbow to look down at Sanghyuk, resting a hand on his chest as he looked at him earnestly. This was clearly something that had been bothering him for a while. Sanghyuk could only wonder if the man had regretted becoming his boyfriend and being exclusive with him… “I promise you wouldn’t. It doesn’t hurt to bottom—”

“Then I can do it.” Sanghyuk said firmly. He had no interest in hurting his hyung and if it wasn’t as bad as Taekwoon claimed it was, then there should be no problem with him being on the receiving end. 

There seemed to be hesitation on Taekwoon’s part and the deepest parts of Sanghyuk that still bore scars told him that it was because it  _ did _ hurt— but Taekwoon wouldn’t do that to him, he had to tell himself. 

“Okay...yeah, of course. I can show you that way, sweetheart.” Taekwoon then settled back down against Sanghyuk’s chest, his cheek warm against his bare skin and his heart easily heard by the both of them, a heavy pound that spoke of his anxiety. They wouldn’t talk anymore about it that night, to allow Sanghyuk time to calm down and get his head around it. That alone was another reason Sanghyuk was so willing to accept what Taekwoon told him. The man wanted to do him no harm. 

“I love you, hyung-boyfriend-sir.” Sanghyuk turned his head to speak this into Taekwoon’s hair. They had curled closer together in those silent moments. One of Taekwoon’s legs was thrown over his hip and his front entirely lined the side of Sanghyuk’s body. It was such a content way for them to be curled and one that Sanghyuk found he slept the best in. 

He felt the curve of Taekwoon’s mouth when it formed into a smile and the way his breath had hitched and then released slowly out onto his skin. 

“I love you, too, sweetheart.” The words were spoken so quietly that Sanghyuk nearly didn’t hear them, but when he did comprehend them, he was smiling in return. “Let’s sleep now...I’ll make breakfast for my big boy in the morning.”

There was a wiggle that couldn’t be contained before Sanghyuk settled down finally to sleep, doing so without further complications. 

*

There was the worst glare from the setting sun casting over his puzzle that caused Sanghyuk to lose his desire to continue to work on it. It caused the tightness that didn’t often bother him become prominent enough for him to feel uncomfortable. And maybe Taekwoon could sense that, maybe he knew him well enough now that he knew when to reach over and rest a hand on Sanghyuk’s forearm to draw his attention from the puzzle that didn’t have enough progress to make the day feel accomplished in any way. 

“Do you want me to make some tea?” The way that Taekwoon spoke to him always succeeded in making Sanghyuk feel calm, or at least leaning towards that feeling when other things often got to be too much for him. He still had yet to figure out how Taekwoon knew when he needed that tone to bring him back down. “I should probably get started on dinner anyways. Why don’t we continue the puzzle tomorrow?” 

Sanghyuk stared at the soft features that were so patient with him. They didn’t hold the annoyance that people often did when associating with Sanghyuk. Something about the look in Taekwoon’s eyes wasn’t at all similar to the exasperated look his father would give him or the too gentle one he’d get from his mother — as much as they had loved him. This was an entirely new look Sanghyuk had never experienced. It was love. 

Love. 

“I think we should go to bed.” Sanghyuk spoke, unsure how else to go about it. 

“Ah, sweetheart, it’s so early.” Taekwoon chuckled quietly. “We’d be up all night if we slept now.” 

“No. Not to sleep.” 

Sanghyuk watched how Taekwoon somewhat froze where he sat, his touch not as light when those long fingers encircled his wrist as though to affirm that it wasn’t a dream. 

“You mean…?” 

He nodded his head and watched how Taekwoon took a deep breath before rising from his seat and walking around to stand before Sanghyuk. His long fingers slid through Sanghyuk’s hair gently while his other took Sanghyuk’s to entangle their fingers together. There was a quietness in the apartment as Taekwoon gazed down at him and he could only wonder what it was that was going through his head at that moment. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m sure.” 

“Come then.” Taekwoon tugged on his hand. Sanghyuk rose from the table and noticed that Taekwoon didn’t look away from him even as they made their way across the living space that had Kato and Melon cuddling on the couch together. The canine lift his head to look at the two passing and waited for a command. “Stay, Kato.” Taekwoon instructed absentmindedly when they slipped towards the bedroom that was only slightly darker than the rest of the apartment. The setting sun didn’t affect this room as much, the light having been gone from it for bit longer and yet Sanghyuk could still make out every feature of the elder man who couldn’t stop staring at him. 

A part of Sanghyuk feared the repeated question asking if he was positive he wanted to do this. He had begun to feel the anxiety and fear of pain start to stir within him, but he knew that he wanted to go through it. Yet, if he was asked again, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stay strong in his decision. 

Taekwoon’s hand was still holding onto Sanghyuk’s while the other lift to brush across his cheek. 

“Kiss me. We’ll take this at your pace, sweetheart.” 

Sanghyuk nodded his head and moved to be close to him. They’d done this part countless times before. Kissing Taekwoon was natural to him now, the way that their bodies came together and their arms wrapped around one another. Taekwoon’s were looped around his neck with a single hand in his hair while Sanghyuk’s were around his waist, pulling the thin man until they were flush together and Sanghyuk could feel how their breaths synced together. 

While Taekwoon had said they would take this at Sanghyuk’s pace, he wasn’t sure where to take things. He knew he liked how Taekwoon felt against him and the occasional touch of his bare skin when their kissing would get more heated at times. Was that where he was supposed to take things? 

Without wanting to embarrass himself by asking, Sanghyuk took the leap to stop kissing Taekwoon long enough to bring his shirt up over his head. Without a refusal from the elder, Sanghyuk was sure that was the proper thing to do. Yet, when he went to place his hands back on Taekwoon’s waist, he felt the other’s hands at his hips to pull his shirt up and the feeling was enough to cause a jolt of fear to go through him. 

He stepped back without thinking, putting an arm’s length of distance between them. 

“Sweetheart? It’s just me.” Taekwoon smiled at him with an understanding that made Sanghyuk want to melt into. He had every desire to duck back into the man and hide in his neck. Taekwoon was safe and would never hurt him. “Why don’t...how about we get undressed ourselves?” 

The idea caused Sanghyuk to perk up a bit. It would just be like they were going to bed. He nodded his head and began to pull his shirt up and off. He started to fold it like he normally would to set it aside. That was less daunting. He paid no more attention to Taekwoon undressing than he normally would. The two of them were working down to their boxers and only then did Sanghyuk hesitate. He looked to his boyfriend to see how Taekwoon pushed them down his hips and bared himself shamelessly to Sanghyuk. That was the first time that he was seeing a man naked since his ex. 

Taekwoon’s body was entirely opposite of the man he’d been with before. There’s a softness to him still that Sanghyuk found to pull him in without even realizing it. His eyes skimmed down his form almost critically, a distance to his gaze while he observed him. Taekwoon wasn’t well muscled, but there was a light amount of definition due to how thin he was. The width of his shoulders only emphasized his small waist and relatively wider hips. It took actual effort for Sanghyuk to let his eyes fall to the space between Taekwoon’s thighs, and he knew his cheeks heated obviously from it. 

Taekwoon was aroused and Sanghyuk felt insecure about being the source of it. There’s a light curve to his length that had Sanghyuk’s interest piqued. There was only a small amount of hair surrounding the base and it made him question the state of his own body and if maybe he had done wrong by not attending to himself in the same way. 

Sanghyuk didn’t know how long he’d stared for, but Taekwoon didn’t seem to mind. The time helped Sanghyuk gather himself enough to let his own boxers slide down his legs, dropping to the floor at his ankles. He was shy as he stepped out of them, only made more so by the look that overcame Taekwoon’s features. 

His hands cupped himself quickly, his head dropping to the side in attempt to hide despite being entirely bare for the other to see. He startled when there was a hand gently resting on his cheek to guide his gaze back to where it’d been. Looking at Taekwoon and that smile — the one that spoke novel-length with just the upturn of his lips of his understanding of Sanghyuk. 

“You’re incredibly handsome, sweetheart. You don’t need to hide from me.” 

“You were staring…” Sanghyuk’s petulant tone made a comeback even though the lack of space between their bare bodies had his heart racing and his skin feeling too hot and uncomfortable on his body. 

“I was staring, yes...because you’re so handsome that I can’t help myself...but if it makes you more comfortable, I won’t stare. I won’t look down there if you don’t want me to...even if I’d very much like to.” 

Sanghyuk chewed his bottom lip for all of two seconds before Taekwoon pulled his lip from his teeth and looked at him expectantly. “Don’t look.” 

“I won’t look.” Taekwoon assured him and lifted his chin just enough to bring their mouths together for a kiss. It was one that made Sanghyuk relax and after moments of it, their tongues tangling and their lips overlapping, his hands fell from his groin to once again be placed on Taekwoon’s hips. Something about the touch emboldened him and he closed the space between them once again, their bodies truly becoming flush together absent clothes. It was enough to cause him to gasp and break the kiss. 

“Hyuk-ah?” Taekwoon questioned in a tone that always had Sanghyuk’s heart racing. It was breathless and airy, a lightness to it that made Sanghyuk feel that he’d be undone by it. “Is this okay?” 

Instead of answering verbally, Sanghyuk resumed the kiss with a fervor he didn’t often lose himself in. Taekwoon was responding to it well, his arms slipping around to hold onto Sanghyuk’s shoulders, fingers splayed at his back to encourage him to stay close even if Sanghyuk didn’t have an inkling of a thought to be away from him again. 

The moments that passed next were in a blur, ones that found Sanghyuk laying on the bed with Taekwoon above him. He felt hot underneath the other, but also safe. Definitely safe. Sanghyuk didn’t know when it happened, but his legs spread and bent for the other man who took full advantage of the position to press their groins together. The stimulation was enough to break whatever sort of kiss that they were managing as Sanghyuk turned his head into the pillow he had ended up on and let out a restrained moan. It was a new sensation he’d never been exposed to. 

Taekwoon’s fingers caressed down the side of his face, along his jaw, soothingly. “Does it feel good, sweetheart?” 

Sanghyuk nodded while his lips let out a whimper in answer. 

“I’m going to do it again, okay?” Taekwoon warned him even if the sensation wasn’t at all going to be a bad one. But Taekwoon was like that. That fact alone was enough to make Sanghyuk warm inside — a different type of heat that he felt over the rest of his body. When he nodded his head, Taekwoon rolled his hips again and brought more pleasure to Sanghyuk. 

It became a regular motion that continued to take his breath away. Taekwoon would rock his hips and Sanghyuk would let out a noise of pleasure as the heat within him grew to the telltale sign of a climax he wasn’t ready for. His hand slipped down from Taekwoon’s hip to grab at his ass to hold him firmly where he was, stopping the motions to give him time to catch his breath. 

His eyes fluttered open after his breath came back to him to see that Taekwoon was looking at him intently, his lips parted and cheeks flushed, eyes dark with arousal that mirrored Sanghyuk’s. At this point, Sanghyuk couldn’t even bring himself to look away out of embarrassment. He stared deep into that gaze that took his breath away and reached up to cup Taekwoon's cheek. He watched as Taekwoon kissed the heel of his palm when the motions came to a halt. 

They were both so equally out of breath but their mouths were being pressed hotly together . Sanghyuk felt that he would gladly pass out from air deprivation that separate their mouths at that point. Taekwoon did not seem to feel the same way.

With careful nips to Sanghyuk's jaw and chin, Taekwoon was moving his body again to push up and yet didn't get far because of Sanghyuk's arms wrapping around his waist to hold him close, a desperate plea in his gaze and a whimper upon a lips.

“Sweetheart, I'm not going far. I just need to get us something…” Taekwoon was looking around the room with intent that Sanghyuk did not follow. It was for a prolonged time that Taekwoon was looking around, to the point that Sanghyuk felt uncomfortable laying there still naked and erect beneath a man equally so. 

“Hyung? What are you—”

“Lubricant. We’ll need some.” Taekwoon had sat up enough to reach over to the bedside table to sift through the drawer and the shelves on the bottom half of it. “Do you have any?”

Sanghyuk was frowning as he looked at the elder, shaking his head slowly. “Why...why do we need it, hyung? Cause I don't have any. I never used any before, so...we don't have to have it, do we?” 

Taekwoon was leaning on his arms over Sanghyuk. His gaze softened into that  _ sad _ look that Sanghyuk didn't like. He turned from it quickly and tried to hide from its existence. He had done something wrong if he was the cause of that sad look and he could already feel the arousal start to wither. 

“Sanghyuk...my sweetheart, it is very important to have. While it's not... _ necessary _ , it will make things easier. And for our first time, I would feel better knowing we use it. So...can you wait here while I run to my place next door for some?”

The idea of laying alone in his own bed really shouldn't have frightened Sanghyuk, but a tendril of fear had crept up and made him believe that it was unlikely that Taekwoon would return. It was irrational, and he had to tell himself that to allow Taekwoon to go, giving him permission with a single nod of his head. 

It happened almost in a blur: a quick kiss to his mouth, Taekwoon’s thin form slipping from the bed and getting dressed in record speed, another kiss, and then leaving the room and apartment altogether. The silence that followed was deafening. 

Sanghyuk rose to a sitting position to look out the partially draped windows, seeing the skyscrapers of the city and knowing that each tiny window held some person who was as inconsequential to him as he was to them. The absent minded thoughts helped to calm the nerves that had become frazzled at being left alone. Left alone after such a vulnerable act. He knew Taekwoon would return.

He shifted in bed to move the blanket to be over his lap rather than still neatly made beneath him. The bed had taken heat from their bodies earlier and being under the covers made Sanghyuk feel comforted even though he could hear the front door open and footsteps leading back to the darkening bedroom. 

“Sweetheart, I'm back,” Taekwoon said uselessly as he stepped into the bedroom. Already, he was beginning to shed his clothing to return to the naked state he had been in before. His eyes were harder to make out in the dark, but Sanghyuk looked to him anyways. There was a quietness to the air between them when the elder approached the bed once again. “Are you all comfy in bed now?” If Sanghyuk strained enough, he could hear a slightly disappointed tone twinging the edge of his words. “Do you want to sleep?”

Sanghyuk shook his head and reached out for Taekwoon while simultaneously moving the blanket to bare himself and the erection that still was nestled among the apex of his legs. True to Taekwoon’s promise, he did not look down.

“Ah, good, Hyuk-ah.” The naked man climbed back into the bed with him and sat on his knees at his side. “Now, I brought the lubricant but I also...I also brought condoms. You never mentioned if your ex had used them, but I want to give you the option to.”

He looked down to the foil wrapped items and the half used bottle of lubricant that had been nestled in Taekwoon’s long fingers. He looked down at the condoms for a long moment before shaking his head.

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” Taekwoon cupped his cheek tenderly. “I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to use one, or if you didn't like the feelings of...of having that inside of you. I want you to know that you can always tell me no, or you can always change your mind.” 

“I'm sure, hyung.” Sanghyuk assured him and leaned forward to kiss him, knowing that sometimes, very rarely, Taekwoon was guilty of babying him just slightly, if only in these instances in which Sanghyuk was otherwise very poorly experienced. 

The kiss helped bring Taekwoon from that caring state to return them both to the heated space that they had been in prior to Taekwoon’s departure. They were moving naturally to be laying once again, Sanghyuk's legs spread for Taekwoon’s wide hips to be nestled between them. The feel of their cocks brushing together still caused lightning to shoot through him and a moan to escape his lips. This time, the rocking motions weren't the focus and Sanghyuk could tell the difference in them before Taekwoon was pulling back to be on his knees. 

“Would it be okay if I looked?”

Taekwoon had his hands splayed out on Sanghyuk’s chest, running over the smooth skin with a gentle touch. His eyes were locked with Sanghyuk’s but he could see the way that the man was itching to do what he’d been requested not to. But he was patient in waiting for Sanghyuk's answer, which came shortly in the form of an affirmative noise. And near immediately, his eyes fell to the space he wished to keep hidden and a moan was let out. It was a sound that Sanghyuk had only ever heard through the walls before he’d had headphones to escape them. 

“I'm—” Taekwoon had to clear his throat and did his best to flash a calming smile. “I'm going to touch you now, okay? If...if you don't like how I touch you, just say stop or push me away and we can do something else.” That breathlessness had returned to his tone and it made Sanghyuk flush once again. 

He let out another affirmative noise.

When he had given Taekwoon permission, he hadn't thought that he would do so with such fervor. There was a frenzy to his touch as his hand encircled the base of his erection and his body shifted to allow his mouth to hover near the smooth head of it. It was so shocking that Sanghyuk didn't even know how to respond other than this gargled noise that was caught in his throat. If his eyes were open, he would have seen the cocky smirk that Taekwoon had before it dispersed to allow his mouth to envelop the head slowly. 

Sanghyuk dropped his hand to grasp at Taekwoon’s hair, not to pull him up or push him away. Instead, it was just there to tangle in soft hair while the tongue that always did such sweet maneuvers in his mouth was then using such skill to move along the sensitive flesh of his cock. Never had Sanghyuk experienced pleasure like this and he was already losing himself in the actions that were so selfless. Sanghyuk didn’t know how to handle selfless. 

His hips started to squirm and he hadn’t even realized it until Taekwoon’s hands were pushing on them to keep them still. It only caused him to whine which led to a chuckle that vibrated along his length and had him moaning none too quietly. Now he sort of understood why Taekwoon was always so loud — which brought on thoughts of  _ other _ men doing this to him...he stopped that train of thought quickly. 

The pressure stayed light and it wasn’t overwhelming, which made Sanghyuk sure that Taekwoon was doing that purposefully. He was so entranced by the actions of that mouth that he didn’t realize that Taekwoon had prepared his fingers, had positioned them against his body until there was another sort of pressure that had him gasping out in shock once again. 

“Sh,” Taekwoon softly coaxed him when he brought his mouth to the tip of his length. Their eyes caught and Sanghyuk gave him the barest of nods to urge him on. It was going to hurt no matter what, Sanghyuk figured that he might as well simply get it over with. But what he was experiencing next did not hurt. Sure, it didn’t feel the most pleasant, but it didn’t  _ hurt _ him like he’d thought it would. That alone was urging his legs further apart for Taekwoon; the sooner that they could get through this, the sooner Taekwoon would experience the pleasure he was intended to. 

The silence felt thick. It was suffocating, or maybe that was the pleasure that were coiling within Sanghyuk, new things that he had never felt before and were wound up so tight that he felt he would fall apart at the seems from the smallest tug. There was still no pain, or maybe there was and he just couldn’t feel it while Taekwoon worked his long fingers along the length of his cock and the hot mouth along the head — an effective way to keep him distracted, that much was for sure. And when all of that stopped, Taekwoon moving up his body and leaving him noticeably empty, Sanghyuk wasn’t sure what was going on. The intensity of his pleasure was still burning through his veins and he needed to be dropped down from it or else he feared he’d never find the ground. 

His arms wrapped around Taekwoon’s shoulders and he was searching for a kiss before he even realized he was. There weren’t many thoughts going through his head as the only thing that made sense to him was pulling Taekwoon to him and kissing him until he found that air he was so desperately in need of. 

“Sh, sh, sweetheart...I’m right here.” Taekwoon’s words punctuated lightly though the whimpers that spilled from Sanghyuk’s mouth without his knowledge. He felt so high-strung. “Breathe. You have to breathe.” Was he not?

Taekwoon simply looked down at him rather than kissing him more. His lips moved with soft words flowing from them that were inaudible to Sanghyuk while he did as he was told, breathing through the heat that had clouded his thoughts and taken away his basic autonomy. 

“That’s it…” Taekwoon’s fingers drifted down his sweat misted temple, drawing along his jaw and looking ever so patient all the while. “Whenever you’re ready….when you’re ready, we’ll try, sweetheart.” 

“Already?” Sanghyuk managed when the breath wormed its way to his lungs to only be pushed out again at the thought of being  _ full _ of Taekwoon even if the thought of being penetrated was one he still wasn’t comfortable with. 

Taekwoon released a chuckle, not one of those mocking ones Sanghyuk always feared, but one filled with adoration. “Yes, already...but only if you’re ready.” 

“I’m ready.” He spoke the words immediately, catching Taekwoon off guard. Those long lashes fluttered a few times before he nodded in response, knowing better than to question Sanghyuk on such a thing only he would know. 

“Okay, sweetheart. The same thing I said before applies here: if you are not comfortable, if you are in pain, you push me away; you tell me to stop, and I will.” Taekwoon’s words felt like law. Sanghyuk knew that there wouldn’t be a chance of disobeying them even if they weren’t meant to be taken that way. Regardless of the sincerity of his words, Sanghyuk felt safe enough with Taekwoon to feel that he’d be able to stand up to him. 

He wasn’t his ex. 

The things that happened next went in slow motion. Sanghyuk’s mind honed in on every little shift in position, caress of fingers and lips, lingering gazes, and gentle smiles. 

Taekwoon didn’t immediately penetrate him like Sanghyuk had suspected. He, instead, moved his hands to run up and down the length of Sanghyuk’s body, putting him so on edge that goosebumps were rising in the wake of his caresses. His lips were still uttering soft hushes into his skin, brushing along his neck and collarbone and over to his shoulders, leaving Sanghyuk a squirming mess beneath him as everything was becoming so sensitive. 

Too sensitive. 

Sanghyuk’s dull nails — always filed down meticulously — scored down Taekwoon’s back in the moments before they’d unknowingly be joined together. He didn’t know when it would happen, but he found himself anxious for it in the best of ways. His legs were spread by coaxings of Taekwoon’s fingers and he didn’t even notice it. He didn’t notice when one leg was brought up to rest his thigh against Taekwoon’s hip, nor did he realize when those caresses stopped to instead keep one hand curled around Sanghyuk's thigh and the other to help guide him in. He hardly was aware of the whispers in his ear to urge him to keep breathing, to relax, because the next thing he knew, there was a sharp pang of  _ something _ and it wasn’t quite pain. It was discomfort, yes, but Sanghyuk found it all too easy to push through. 

“Ah, ah, hyung…” The words fell from Sanghyuk’s mouth unbidden. He was clinging to him tighter and could practically feel the way that Taekwoon’s mouth curled into a smile against his neck. 

“It doesn’t hurt, does it?” Taekwoon asked, once more breathless, but this time in a different way. There was a strain to his tone that Sanghyuk wasn’t familiar with, but he wanted to hear more of it. “Tell me when it feels good.” 

“It-It won’t…” A part of Sanghyuk still firmly believed that. Taekwoon didn’t fight him on it. 

Soon enough, the pressure stopped and Sanghyuk was finally allowed to catch his breath. His nails were still pressed firmly into his boyfriend’s skin but Taekwoon didn’t seem to mind. Taekwoon’s face was still against his neck, but Sanghyuk liked to feel his breath there; it was calming. They were tangled so closely, Sanghyuk’s leg lifting to curl around the back of Taekwoon’s thigh; the elder’s arm encircled around his waist after they shifted to be more naturally close together. 

That silence was back, the thick one that made it hard for Sanghyuk to breathe. Yet this time, he was completely reveling in it. 

He hadn’t known that any of this could feel good, and while he may not know the pleasure that he’d soon be exposed to, he did know that the lack of pain was already a step in the right direction. He wanted to know if there was more, and with that in mind, he shifted his hips to test the waters. 

He wasn’t disappointed. 

A gasp of Taekwoon’s name was what broke the silence, his fingers moving down to urge the man’s hips further and for a moment, he forgot that maybe Taekwoon wasn’t ready for the pleasure. 

All of that went out the window when the choked sound echoed against his neck and his hips started to move of his own volition. Sanghyuk knew not what to do other than to hold on for dear life, assaulted with sensations that had never affected him before. There wasn't a lick of pain to be found as Taekwoon moved with precision that came with practice. Sanghyuk hadn't known it was possible to actually enjoy the act and so was absolutely speechless — if he would even be able to speak as he moaned so openly and wantonly, words far from his mind. 

His nails scrabbled at Taekwoon's back and his hips were shifting of their own accord to meet the motions that were ever so deep and hitting spots inside of him he knew that his ex took no care to look for. It made him shudder, the way the pleasure would snap up the length of his spine with every inward thrust only to tingle down to the tips of his toes when Taekwoon would withdraw. And it repeated like that for an unknown amount of time. He lost track of it the moment Taekwoon had pressed into him. 

“Sweetheart,” the words started to make sense again, spoken in a language he could understand. “Sweetheart...hyung is...you're making hyung feel so good...I'm close. I-I can't hold out—sweetheart.” Taekwoon moaned when he dragged his mouth up to breathe hotly onto Sanghyuk's ear. 

For the first time, this was an end he never wanted to happen. 

But he urged it on anyways. 

“Hyungie,” his voice came out more whiny and breathless than it ever had. “That's okay...it's okay. I want it. I want you to.” He may not want it to end, but his desire for Taekwoon to feel pleasure was much greater. He caressed his back and moaned for him, sounds of genuine pleasure, too. 

“Not until…” Taekwoon started but never finished. He was pushing himself up into a sitting position, resting on his knees as he brought Sanghyuk's lower half into his lap. It was an extremely open and vulnerable position for him to be in, but Sanghyuk didn't notice it at that moment. Instead, he watched as Taekwoon once again ran both hands over the expanse of his soft flesh chest and then down to his waist, one hand staying there while the other continued its descent to wrap around his length firmly. 

Sanghyuk tossed his head back and let out an even louder moan than the ones before. His spine arched as well as it could in that position and soon enough, a burst of pleasure shot through him, blinding him, taking his hearing and sight and leaving him victim to the intensity of the flare that centered around Taekwoon. 

It wouldn't be until after Taekwoon had practically collapsed on top of him would he realize that he had reached climax and urged on Taekwoon to follow. It wouldn't be until Taekwoon shifted out of him and they were both curling under the blankets would he feel the semen seeping from his cavity. Taekwoon had told him it was okay, though. They could nap, they could rest, and clean up before a late dinner. 

“I love you, Sanghyuk-ah, so much, my sweetheart.” Sanghyuk still had his heart pounding in his ears, but he heard that sentiment clearly. He leaned into the touch to his cheek and smiled shyly. “You were so perfect and amazing...and hyungie made you feel good, right? Did any of it hurt?”

Sanghyuk shook his head. “None of it hurt...you made me...it was...I liked it.” He settled on and kissed Taekwoon's palm. “I love you, too.”

The smile of relief fluttered against Sanghyuk's shoulder as they lay intimately close to one another. He knew he would drift off to sleep, but felt safe enough to that it didn't worry him in the slightest. 

*

The sizzle of food was the current background noise as Sanghyuk stirred around the food in the pan. The apartment was quiet with only him and Kato present, maybe a little bit lonely but one he could deal with. Taekwoon and Melon would return shortly, as this had pretty much become their home, too. 

“Hyuk-ah,” Sanghyuk lift his head up from looking at the stove and over to his boyfriend whom was still dressed nicely in slacks and a large button down that hid his figure which was covered in marks only Sanghyuk was privy to. “I'm home!” 

Melon was set down and immediately made her way to join Kato on the couch, curling up on top of him as she did every day. 

Taekwoon stepped into the kitchen and walked over to kiss Sanghyuk lightly in greeting — they did that now. 

“How did it go?” Sanghyuk asked as the stove was shut off prematurely by the other who was moving the pan off the burner and taking his hands. “Hyung? Was it okay? Did they like you as much as I like you?”

The chuckle warmed Sanghyuk’s heart. “No, sweetheart, no one can like me as much as you like me. But they did like me some! They really liked my experience and...they know I'm gay, but so is the CEO! So I start on Monday!” The excitement had appeared out of nowhere and it led Sanghyuk to bringing Taekwoon into his arms and holding onto him tightly while the man laughed with glee further. 

“I knew they would! Hyung, this is so good!” Sanghyuk said when they separated but didn't really. His hands lay at Taekwoon's thin waist while the other had his large hands on his shoulders, their bodies not far at all. “I'm so happy for you.”

Taekwoon's smile was bright and contagious as he stole yet another kiss. “It's good, isn't it? And...it means that you can stop paying my bills.” 

The smile was quick to disappear from Sanghyuk's mouth and he looked at the elder with concern and barely masked fear. “You...how did you know?” 

“Because my mother would never have spent that much money and...when you’d told me about your inheritance, I just put two and two together. It was...that was a lot of money, sweetheart.” Taekwoon had that calmer tone once more, the one that helped to keep Sanghyuk from getting worked up. “It's okay it was you. I'm glad it was you. I...I'm glad because it meant I had time to fall in love with you. So...it’s okay that you lied.”

“I didn't lie!”

“Okay, you didn't lie, but you omitted the truth. So...thank you. But I'm going to pay you back or—” 

“I don't want it back. I don't need it back.” Sanghyuk was quick to say, knowing he would never accept anything of the sort from Taekwoon. 

“Or...you stop paying for two apartments. And maybe we only pay for one.” 

Sanghyuk blinked and glanced around at his apartment and then at his boyfriend. Confusion furrowed his brows and curled his fingers into Taekwoon's waist a bit more persistently. 

“But...I don't get it, hyung. Do you mean…”

Taekwoon was patient with Sanghyuk most of the time, all the time, really. Except for the moments that he was excited and wanted to share them with Sanghyuk. “I mean why don't we live together, sweetheart. Melon and I are almost over every night anyways, and the nights we aren't, you come and wake us to bring us over anyways. What do you think?”

What was there to think? Sanghyuk was the one to initiate the next excited kiss and swallowed Taekwoon's laugh with it. 

“Is that a yes?” Taekwoon spoke against his mouth, feeling how he was tugged closer and held so tightly. Sanghyuk had grown addicted to how the smaller man felt in his arms. 

“It's a yes.” 

Taekwoon let out another joyful laugh, kissing Sanghyuk once more before he slipped away. “Okay, you finish dinner and I'm going to go get all my clothes and little things and we can move me in this weeke—Sanghyuk, what are you doing?” His tone shifted from the excited, gleeful tone to one of quick breathlessness when Sanghyuk had no hesitation in taking off his shirt and undoing his pants, stalking towards the elder man who wasn't the least bit prepared. 

“Or...we can do that later?” Taekwoon asked as Sanghyuk's mouth attached to the corner of his jaw and he was slightly lifted off his feet. 

“Later.” Sanghyuk hummed quietly while his thoughts were consumed by Taekwoon in that moment. Moving was nowhere near the front of his mind and dinner could wait. Sanghyuk had always wanted to celebrate something in this manner and he knew Taekwoon would agree with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I loved writing it. It took a lot out of me and is my largest completed work yet. I do hope you'll let me know what you thought of it all!


End file.
